Not coping with the recent death of my wonderful husband

  • Posts: 18
    Edited by: Carol50 - 26/09/2018 06:47

    Hi mazl and palpatt How are you both doing? Mazl hope you coped well and enjoyed your holiday? Palpatt how are you coping doing things on your own? I went back to work last week, I enjoy my part time job, I sit in my own little office, I often found had to make myself concentrate and my mind wondered all over the place. I very often had tears rolling down my face, it's hard to see when your eyes are wet lol Anyway still here but feeling the grief and pain of it all, it helps to talk.

  • Posts: 16
    25/09/2018  10:49

    Hello Carol50, nice to hear from you. It’s good you have gone back to work, while it’s not a cure for all the negative thoughts, it must certainly be a diversion. At my age, work is long in the distant past, with the exception of housework and gardening obviously, but they are solitary occupations. If you have work colleagues, at least for a time, it gives you something else to concentrate on. I would be lost without my little dog, Lottie, who will be a year old on 21st October. Such a lot has happened since that day almost a year ago, when Phil and I went to see our new puppy with her mum and siblings, and the happy day we brought her home on 17th December. Little did we know what was to happen four short months later. Lottie was a comfort to Philip during his illness, laying with him when he was resting, and she is a comfort to me now. Today she is feeling sorry for herself as she was spayed yesterday, so it’s my turn to comfort and reassure her. Hope you and Mazl are coping with your bereavement as best you can. Love to you both Polpatt

  • Posts: 18
    Edited by: Carol50 - 25/09/2018 14:02

    Hi palpatt

    Thank you for your reply., where do you live? I live in south East England. Have you managed to go out solo for a meal/coffee yet? 

    One of my challenges was to go in a cafe by myself, I have now not only gone for coffee but had 2 separate occasions where I have gone for a meal on my own, I faced the window and took a book, I feel if the place is right I could do it again, no problem now.

    I sold my husbands car the other day, it felt like I was giving part of him away, he loved that car it was very hard, I came in and said sorry to Rogers photo, I felt really guilty. 

    I went to a group meeting at pilgrims hospice, lovely group of ladies, we really got on and all had the same in common, we are meeting again independantly this Thurs for lunch. Looking forward to it. 

    Give lottie a cuddle from me, poor thing, she  must be a great comfort to you. I had 2 days last week where I just could not stop sobbing, feel much better today, I suppose it is going to happen sometimes, good days and bad, do you still have those days even after 5 months?

  • Posts: 16
    26/09/2018  08:08

    Hi Carol50, to answer your question, I live in a village in North Lincolnshire, and no I haven’t been out solo yet, but I’m working on it. I had the same experience as you when I let my husbands car go, although his daughter has it complete with Philip’s personal number plate, butnInfelt so guilty too as he loved his Jag. I do see it when she visits, but it is a bitter sweet feeling, to see his car with somebody else at the wheel. It’s a funny thing how you feel so guilty about letting their things go, when they are never coming back for them, but I still feel that way, and even if I change something in the house, would he like it? It’s the same if I buy something, should I be spending this money? My husband was so generous too, so he would not have been bothered in life, so why do we feel guilty now. Is it because we are still here and they are not? Lottie is a lot better thanks, although I did have to take her back to the Vet last evening as Inwas a bit worried about her. It’s a full time job trying to stop her licking the wound, and she hates wearing the collar. I do still have really bad days, but now they are fewer, butnI admit I am dreading the Christmas, New Year period, and my birthday falls in that too. Dread waking up without my darling on those days, I know it will be emotional. Polpatt

  • Posts: 18
    26/09/2018  14:27

    Hi Polpatt, 

    I live in Chestfield a little village outside Whitstable. I'm glad I am not the only one re: car.  I also felt really guilty when I spent some time buying clothes I couldn't stop spending for a while, Roger was the same he wouldn't have minded but the feeling was just the same, you tend to think would he have approved!

    Philip sounds lovely from what you have told me, just like Roger who was always happy, contented, generous and always said 'My Carol'. and he always told people how much he loved me (which was really nice). I really miss that.

    I am like you, very apprehensive about xmas, although I am flying to oz the day after boxing day so will be in Australia for new year and my 60th birthday on 4th jan and then I have my sons wedding. I normally love xmas and we always decorated the bungalow with xmas lights (which I am not doing this year as its not worth it) but not really looking forward to it, it just won't be the same. I was thinking the other day what will Roger buy me for xmas I think I might go out and buy myself a treat! why don't you do the same?

    Mazl, haven't heard from you for a while, what are you up to?