MAZL 6 years ago

Hi Carol

I know what you mean. I turned in to the world's biggest wimp when Bill died very suddenly without any warning. All my get up and go got up and went. Luckily I still go to my pilates and yoga classes but when I get home there is nobody to have a laugh with or just sit with doing nothing. Most people I know are in couples and can at times seem very smug (not intentionally I am sure). 

I haven't had any counselling yet but have been referred by my GP to a bereavement counsellor, I await the phone call. A year down the line and the hole is just as big and the pain as hard. I think he would be amazed at how much I miss him!

Polpatt 6 years ago

Hi Carol50; so very sorry to hear of your recent bereavement, nobody can imagine the empty, lonely feeling of despair until it it happens to them, to lose your lifetime love and soulmate is more than heartbreaking, in fact, a word hasn’t been invented to describe the feelings of loss, fear, anger, aloneness that sits like a stone inside you. I feel I am beginning to cope, but still have days of bleak despair and loneliness, and cannot even contemplate a Christmas without Phil in it. We got a puppy in Decemberlast year, before Phil became sick, not knowing what the future held in store, and although I thought we had made a big mistake when he became ill, little Lottie is a great comfiort to me. It is good to have another living, breathing presence in the house, and I have to stir myself to take her for walks. I hope you can find some comfort too, as it is early days for you too. My thoughts are with you. X

Carol50 6 years ago

Thank you for your comments, it does help knowing others are in the same position and feel the same and understand. I am at the end of a week away on my own, convelesing and I have made myself go out, it has been easy going shopping because Roger would not have liked that but the evenings and dinner times have been hard, I went out for dinner at a restaurant alone for the first time (I took a book)Feeling very proud of myself. It feels like another challenge accomplished. I am allergic to pets but am going to foster short time in the summer house so hoping that will help, someone to give spare love too.

Carol50 6 years ago

Edited by Carol50 6 years ago

I dont know if you feel the same but i find it so helpful on this discussion forum i cannot imagine trying to talk when you are sobbing with tears rolling down your face and feeling sorry for yourself, which happen occasionally. Thanks guys just for sharing your stories. xx

Polpatt 6 years ago

Yes, the weeping when something, maybe quite trivial sets you off, that feeling of not being in control of your emotions. Last week I had a dental appointment, and we always went together, that set me off. My first GP appointment too. Sometimes it’s a piece of music, or a song we both loved, or a photo of happier times. Next week my youngest granddaughter is 18 and we are going out as a family for a meal. Last year, on her seventeenth we did the same, and I have the most beautiful and happy photo of the two of Hannah with her Grandad, so poignant, little did we know he would not be here for her landmark birthday. It’s as well we cannot see into the future.