Not coping with the recent death of my wonderful husband

Polpatt 6 years ago

46 replies

I am feeling so utterly lost and hopeless. I lost my wonderful husband and soulmate a week before our 32nd wedding anniversary, and three weeks before his birthday. He was diagnosed with metatastic renal cell carcinoma in mid February this year, and he died just two months later on 26th April. The disease progressed at a frightening rate and my lovely sporty, handsome husband lost three stones on weight and turned into a frail,old man before our eyes. I have a wonderful supportive family so I am luckier than some people, but despite all they do for me, I feel so alone and lonely. My life seems like a foreign country and each day seems so long. Some days I cannot stop crying and I am thinking that everyone will get tired of these upsets. I know it’s early days, but I feel so out of control.

Support 6 years ago

Hello Polpatt

I’m so sorry to read about the loss of your husband, your soulmate, and to hear how lost you are feeling.

With everything that you have gone through so recently, it’s understandable that you have been finding things difficult and feeling out of control.

Losing a loved one can evoke a range of powerful emotions. Often people tell us that they feel a sense of unreality along with feelings of intense sadness, and tears. You may find it helpful to look at our information about grieving in your own way here: https://www.mariecurie.org.uk/help/support/bereaved-family-friends/dealing-grief/grieving-your-way . It’s important to know that whilst everyone grieves differently, you don’t have to go through bereavement alone.

Many find that talking can be a helpful and comforting experience. Whilst it’s good to hear that you have a wonderful, supportive family, some people also choose to reach out and talk about how they are feeling with someone outside of their family or friends. Sometimes this can make it easier to be open without worrying about the impact this may have. Many people choose to do this with a Support Line, such as ourselves. If you feel that you would be comfortable reaching out to us yourself, then please do so by calling us on Freephone 0800 090 2309.

We also feature further information about getting bereavement support on our website which you may find useful to read here: https://www.mariecurie.org.uk/help/support/bereaved-family-friends/dealing-grief/bereavement-or-grief-counselling

If you would like to get in touch with us, our opening hours are Monday to Friday 8am to 6pm and on a Saturday 11am to 5pm. You can reach us on our Freephone number above, or through our live web chat function here: https://www.mariecurie.org.uk/help/support/marie-curie-support-line 

Take care,

Sam

Marie Curie Support Line

MAZL 6 years ago

Hello Polpatt

Believe me when I say I know how you feel. I lost my lovely husband very suddenly last August (just coming up to the first anniversary). He went in to hospital at 2.30 in the morning and he died at 10.30 that night. I have spent the last year facing all the admin that goes with losing a partner and living on adrenalin. Like you my immediate family have been very supportive but they do not live near me. Friends have been wonderful but I am beginning to feel that they are getting weary of the fact that I am still struggling to look forward rather than backwards. In fact just this morning one of them said I should decide what I want to do with my life and make plans. I know he meant well but it really hurt. So I know what you mean about living in a foreign country and being out of control. I cannot offer advice but just wanted to let you know that I am here.

Polpatt 6 years ago

Thank you MAZL for replying to my post. I know you have the same feelings of loss and fear of a lonely future as I have. The last few weeks, I have been more settled but I dread the long dark nights and dreary days ahead, as well as the anniversaries, Birthdays, Christmas and New Year celebrations. My family are local, so I am lucky in that respect, and they are very supportive and understanding, but like you, I am fearful that their understanding and patience will run out before my grief does. I am constantly reliving those awful last weeks, and hoping that in The last moments, my darling knew I was there and how much I loved him.

Polpatt 6 years ago

I am hoping that the anniversary of your husband’s death passes without too many tears and that your friends are a comfort to you. God bless x

Carol50 6 years ago

Hi Polpatt and Mazl

I too lost my husband to hormonal cancer in june, I consider myself lucky in the fact of knowing 4 years ago when he was diagnosed that it was terminal and just a matter of time, their was no cure so I have had time to accept I was going to loose him. It doesn't make the loss any easier though when they actually pass and I too am feeling very lonely and alone, I am having an emotional day today.. I have tried to go out and join clubs and not be sad as Roger would not want me to be, but it is so hard to be happy when you are constantly thinking about them not being there with you and very hard when you loose your 'confidant rock'.

I had a counseling session but they tell you it's hard and you are coping well but it doesn't replace your other half, I really miss the laughter and just having that person there to share things with.