Thanks for your reply - I'm sorry for your loss too. Words just don't cover it, do they? Yes, what you say about shutting off makes perfect sense. Unfortunately my shutting off stems from depression, and I've had that (on and off) for about two decades. I was already losing hope because we knew that my Mum couldn't really have any more treatment for a year before she died, and also I am so depressed by the state of the world. I feel guilty for bringing my kids into it!
My Mum was my emotional support, and we had a similar outlook on life (although she was more positive than me) , shared many interests etc. I now feel like I don't relate to anybody, and I've detached myself from the friendships I had because I started to see those relationships in a new light. Same goes for family relationships - I think my Mum was the only one who ever really cared about us, so I feel like I've not only lost the one person I would talk to about everything, but I've also lost my notion of extended family, friends, and even my view of the world has flipped upside down!
Sorry, I'm rambling on... How do you see yourself coping in the future, and finding joy again?