New member. Lost my Mum and also all hope.

  • Posts: 3
    22/08/2016  11:38

    Hi everybody,


    I've joined this forum as a last resort. My Mum (my best friend) died at the start of January, and I'm struggling to cope. I don't relate to anyone any more, and just shut myself away from the world. I have two kids, and am doing my best to stay positive for them, but I feel so alone and have no hope for the future.


    xxx

  • Posts: 29
    23/08/2016  12:40

    Hi Fiona,

    We are very sorry to hear about your Mum’s death. It sounds like the two of you had such a close bond. Grief can be a painful process; it’s not unusual to feel set apart from others who haven’t experienced this or to be feeling like there is nothing positive in your future. Grief can bring with it times when how you are feeling seems overwhelming and too much for you to cope with by yourself. It is ok to acknowledge this and seek support from those who can understand. Some people find going to a group where they can talk to other bereaved people suits them, others prefer to talk one to one. You may wish to look at the support offered by Cruse Bereavement Care –http://www.cruse.org.uk/.  Other avenues of accessing counselling or talking therapies are via your GP or   your local Mind Group: http://www.mind.org.uk/information-supportt/local-minds/. We are here for you on the Community and if you feel it would help you to speak to someone please also contact us on our Support Line – 0800 090 2309 or via web chat. Although we are not qualified counselors we are more than happy to provide emotional support and a listening ear.

    Best Wishes

    Clare

  • Posts: 2
    01/09/2016  09:30

    Hi Fiona, I'm sorry for your loss. I too lost my mum last year in just ten weeks from Bile Duct Cancer. From the age of two it was just me and my mum and it's hit me really hard. I feel like in order to keep functioning for my kids I've had to completely shut off my emotions. I can't think about her being gone or I'll lose it, so I shut off. I feel like I have no emotions any more. I know I love my kids and my husband but I don't feel it any more, does that make sense?

  • Posts: 3
    01/09/2016  10:33

    Hi Lisa,


    Thanks for your reply - I'm sorry for your loss too. Words just don't cover it, do they? Yes, what you say about shutting off makes perfect sense. Unfortunately my shutting off stems from depression, and I've had that (on and off) for about two decades. I was already losing hope because we knew that my Mum couldn't really have any more treatment for a year before she died, and also I am so depressed by the state of the world. I feel guilty for bringing my kids into it!


    My Mum was my emotional support, and we had a similar outlook on life (although she was more positive than me), shared many interests etc. I now feel like I don't relate to anybody, and I've detached myself from the friendships I had because I started to see those relationships in a new light. Same goes for family relationships - I think my Mum was the only one who ever really cared about us, so I feel like I've not only lost the one person I would talk to about everything, but I've also lost my notion of extended family, friends, and even my view of the world has flipped upside down!


    Sorry, I'm rambling on... How do you see yourself coping in the future, and finding joy again?


    xxx

  • Posts: 2
    02/09/2016  06:29

    Hi Fiona, I too suffer from depression. I've been on and off anti depressants since I was 18 (now 43). I think I am going to look into some kind of bereavement counselling through one of the local hospices. Have you tried this at all? X

  • Posts: 3
    03/09/2016  03:50

    Hi Lisa,


    I have thought about bereavement counselling, but as the problem for me is not having my Mum here anymore (and a sense of deep loneliness) I can't see that being of much use to me, as they can't bring her back! I will have to learn to adjust to her being gone, but as I said above, my whole life has been turned upside down by Mum's death, so I'm adjusting to all of that, not just the loss of her.

    We are both reaching out for help from others (even just posting on this forum), but unfortunately they cannot give us the thing we really want, can they? Perhaps we just need to be kind to ourselves and learn to live with the sadness. It will never entirely go, but it may ease over time. I do have days here and there where I feel pretty happy and enjoy being with my husband and kids, so that's a glimmer of hope I suppose. I hope you have some days like that too, and that they increase in frequency as time goes on. Good luck with the counselling if you go for it.

    xxx

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