New member. Lost my Mum and also all hope.

Fiona 8 years ago

5 replies

Hi everybody,

I've joined this forum as a last resort. My Mum (my best friend) died at the start of January, and I'm struggling to cope. I don't relate to anyone any more, and just shut myself away from the world. I have two kids, and am doing my best to stay positive for them, but I feel so alone and have no hope for the future.

xxx

Clare 8 years ago

Hi Fiona,

We are very sorry to hear about your Mum’s death. It sounds like the two of you had such a close bond. Grief can be a painful process; it’s not unusual to feel set apart from others who haven’t experienced this or to be feeling like there is nothing positive in your future. Grief can bring with it times when how you are feeling seems overwhelming and too much for you to cope with by yourself. It is ok to acknowledge this and seek support from those who can understand. Some people find going to a group where they can talk to other bereaved people suits them, others prefer to talk one to one. You may wish to look at the support offered by Cruse Bereavement Care –http://www.cruse.org.uk/.  Other avenues of accessing counselling or talking therapies are via your GP or   your local Mind Group: http://www.mind.org.uk/information-supportt/local-minds/. We are here for you on the Community and if you feel it would help you to speak to someone please also contact us on our Support Line – 0800 090 2309 or via web chat. Although we are not qualified counselors we are more than happy to provide emotional support and a listening ear.

Best Wishes

Clare

LisaLum 8 years ago

Hi Fiona, I'm sorry for your loss. I too lost my mum last year in just ten weeks from Bile Duct Cancer. From the age of two it was just me and my mum and it's hit me really hard. I feel like in order to keep functioning for my kids I've had to completely shut off my emotions. I can't think about her being gone or I'll lose it, so I shut off. I feel like I have no emotions any more. I know I love my kids and my husband but I don't feel it any more, does that make sense?

Fiona 8 years ago

Hi Lisa,

Thanks for your reply - I'm sorry for your loss too. Words just don't cover it, do they? Yes, what you say about shutting off makes perfect sense. Unfortunately my shutting off stems from depression, and I've had that (on and off) for about two decades. I was already losing hope because we knew that my Mum couldn't really have any more treatment for a year before she died, and also I am so depressed by the state of the world. I feel guilty for bringing my kids into it!

My Mum was my emotional support, and we had a similar outlook on life (although she was more positive than me) , shared many interests etc. I now feel like I don't relate to anybody, and I've detached myself from the friendships I had because I started to see those relationships in a new light. Same goes for family relationships - I think my Mum was the only one who ever really cared about us, so I feel like I've not only lost the one person I would talk to about everything, but I've also lost my notion of extended family, friends, and even my view of the world has flipped upside down!

Sorry, I'm rambling on... How do you see yourself coping in the future, and finding joy again?

xxx

LisaLum 8 years ago

Hi Fiona, I too suffer from depression. I've been on and off anti depressants since I was 18 (now 43). I think I am going to look into some kind of bereavement counselling through one of the local hospices. Have you tried this at all? X

Fiona 8 years ago

Hi Lisa,