I am hoping that by posting my problems here someone may be able to suggest something I've not thought of as a solution! My parents (84 and 82) live 40 miles from me (single parent, two children, part time job).
My father has recently been diagnosed with bowel cancer and the doctors are not suggesting intervention as he has a range of other health problems that mean he is not being considered for surgery. He is currently in hospital (now entering his 10th week of being there aside from one brief period of discharge) and the hospital is advocating 24 hour nursing care is required (ie a nursing home). He is being nursed on a bed (has a catheter) and very sleepy. One discharge home collapsed within 48 hours as he (adjudged to be continent by the hospital) kept trying to get out of the hospital bed downstairs and make his way to the loo. This led to him collapsing and my mother (unable to get him up again) had to summon the emergency services - resulting in a readmission. No comode provided, didn't even get a visit from the district nursing team as he was discharged on a Thursday and they weren't scheduled to call until Monday. No visit to the home prior to discharge to assess the arrangments .
My mother, since his absence from thier home, is really struggling to cope and seems to have some form of dementia. Examples - she maintains he is in the house sometimes with her, she cooks meals for him. At other times she seems 'normal' - so in conversation is ok and is managing to wash, dress, fed herself etc. She is currently having tests to try and ascertain what the problem is.
Am I being too optimistic to be looking for a solution that my father may be cared for at home (his and my mother's expressed wish) or do I give up and look for a nursing home? Any suggestions, help or advice gratefully received.