Hi I’m Michelle, I’m a 32 year old single mother of four. I am the one in a million with budd chiari syndrome and it’s killing me. I was diagnosed 15 months ago but don’t know if I’m coming to terms with it. First I lost my job, then dcf took my children because they think I’m too sick, because of losing my children I lost housing which got my kicked off the transplant list that could have prolonged my life several years more. I lost everything and I’m completely numb. I was attempting suicide repeatedly until they got me on strong meds and now I’m just a zombie trying to live my life to the fullest while having no desire to even have fun, it’s just a distraction. How to I face the loss when I spend so much time pretending all is fine. I’m constantly on the go trying to escape the heartache and guilt and disappointment in myself even though I didn’t cause my health issues. Where do I even begin?