Bonnie 5 years ago

Hello Prudence,

Thank you for reaching out and joining our online community. We’re sorry to read about the recent death of your husband and how this is affecting you. It’s understandable that you’re missing him so much, especially after spending 30 years together.

Many people tell us that talking about how they’re feeling can be helpful, are you getting any support at the moment? Please may I ask, have you discussed how you’re feeling with your GP or any other professionals? Healthcare professionals can talk to you about what support services may be available in your local area. We also feature some information on our website about getting support that you may find helpful to take a look at here: https://www.mariecurie.org.uk/help/support/bereaved-family-friends/dealing-grief/grief-support .

You mentioned in your post that people are saying you have to begin a new life. We just want to reassure you that there is no right or wrong way to grieve. It’s important that you do what you feel is right for you. Be kind to yourself as grief is a natural response to losing someone you care about. We feature some information on our website about looking after yourself that you may find helpful to take a look at if you wish to do so here: https://www.mariecurie.org.uk/help/support/bereaved-family-friends/dealing-grief/looking-after-yourself .

You are welcome to speak to us here on the Support Line as little or as often as you like. While we’re not trained counsellors, we can offer emotional support and a listening ear. If you would like to continue to talk about how you’re feeling you can respond here on the community or you can contact us on Freephone 0800 090 2309 or via our webchat function here: https://www.mariecurie.org.uk/help/support/marie-curie-support-line/using-online-chat .

We would also like to thank you for taking the time to share such kind words with Subaru016. Hopefully others here on the community will share with you what has helped them after the loss of a loved one. 

Take care,

Bonnie - Support Line Team. 

MAZL 5 years ago

Edited by MAZL 5 years ago

Hello. I've not been on the forum for a while but I do think of you all. I'm still, after 20 months, struggling with the pronoun conundrum. I find myself saying we instead of I but have decided it doesn't matter as in my heart I'm we. I did see a bereavement counsellor for a few months leading up to Christmas and found it quite helpful. He gave me some help with coping on very bad days and disipated the anger which I was feeling which I knew was detrimental to my health. No-one can tell you how to grieve as it is a very personal matter but I find that concentrating on happy memories rather than those that are not does help me. Remembering with joy does help. We had 40 years together (not all married) and there was a lot of joy. Some days are still hard but some are happy. I have spent today in my garden and that is where I feel close to him. I hear him telling me off for over-pruning and it does make me laugh. So the joyful memories are eventually there. They just need finding and it is not easy and takes time. Self care is an important part of grieving and I can do that in my garden even in the rain. Take care all of you. Marilyn