Mum in denial of her diagnosis

Kymm 7 years ago

1 reply

Hello

i am new to this forum

my  81 year old mum was recently admitted to hospital with a spiral fracture of her left thigh(Femur)I have now been advised that this was due to cancer in the thigh a metastases from a primary in her lung. Mum,was advised 18 months ago of the possibility of lung cancer but declined further diagnostics and treatment at that time with out advising the family. My mum is in denial about her lung cancer and it is really difficult for my brothers and I to plan her care as she is insistent that she will be returning home and be as she was before her thigh fracture, we are all worried about her safety and how she will cope as she is also cares/looks after my 88 year old father, who has limited mobility a  cardiac stent/pacemaker and indwelling urinary catheter. as a family we are all struggling to come to terms with the cancer diagnosis and i am really angry with her for making this decision, I am also feeling guilty for being angry at her.

the hospital communication ref discharge planning is really poor and i dont know what to ask/expect at a case conference planned for next week. can anyone advise if we will have access to any other options than to let her return home until she starts to deteriorate? as mum has refused any diagnostics we dont know the type of cancer or how it is going to progress/effect her so we are struggling as a family to plan to make sue she stays safe 

thanks in advance for any information 

Support 7 years ago

Hello Kymm,

Sorry to hear about your Mum’s diagnosis. Some people try to avoid thinking about what the doctors have told them and may go into denial or feel unable to cope. We do produce some information about helping people who are in denial which might be helpful:

https://www.mariecurie.org.uk/help/being-there/helping-someone-cope/caring-for-someone-in-denial .

I understand that this makes it difficult for you to get the care package your mum  needs in place. There is help available if she is willing to accept this. You can read about the help available here: https://www.mariecurie.org.uk/help/terminal-illness/care-needs

Also, if you are concerned with the discharge policy of the hospital, you could contact the Patient liaison service which is usually located within the hospital and they could provide further explanation and support to you.

It sounds as though as well as the practical side of things, you’re feeling a range of emotions about the decisions your mum has made. Many people tell us it is helpful to talk to others about their feelings.

 If you would like to talk about things in more detail please call our Free phone Support Line on 0800 090 2309, or drop us a line via Web Chat: https://www.mariecurie.org.uk/help

Best Wishes

Nicki

 (Marie Curie Support Line)