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  • Mam refusing help



    7 replies

    My mother is refusing most help off district nurses like special bed , extra care also was advised to go into hospital and refusd that

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  • David

    Edited by David 2 years ago

    Hi Reddragon,

    Welcome to the Marie Curie Community and we are sorry to hear about your mam’s condition and everything that’s happening. Understandably, when a loved one is reluctant to let others help it can be very difficult.

    There can be lots of reasons why help is refused and if your mam has mental capacity, then she is able to turn down these different offers of help. However, this can be a dilemma for family members trying to support them, as they balance respecting the wishes of their loved one whilst also trying to ensure they’re well-cared for. It sounds like a challenging time for you.

    Does your mam talk about why she doesn’t want the special bed or extra care? Has she shared any worries or fears around what’s been happening recently?

    If you want to talk more about how you’re feeling, our Marie Curie Community is your safe space, to share as much or as little as you wish.

    Our Support Line is also here for you and if you want to speak with one of our team with any questions or simply for a listening ear, we are on Freephone 0800 090 2309.

    Take care,

    David – Support Line Officer

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  • macktavish

    hi there Your mum was like my dad ,Hes like old school ,Far to proud to ask or take help from anyone ,There was not much the family can do about it ,So what wee done was just got the help for my dad,But didnt tell him if there was someone coming out to speak to him ,And when my dad spoke to someone outside our household or family ,He did listen more to people who where in the care profesion ,He eventually got into the place wee wanted him in ,It did take a few weeks for them to convince him what like it was ,And they where there to help him ,he was a very proud man ,Who worked all his life,Never had even took any pills for anything in his life .Not so much as a paracetimol for a sore head ,And all of a sudden hes on all these tablets ,And different medication for the 1st time in his life.He did need the pain medication .He was that stubborn he didnt take any medication for a few months .But eventuaaly he had to admit defeat And take his meds .And he didnt like the way he felt taking them .But with the pain relief meds He had a much better life Like going to the places he needed to go ,Its very Hard And i just hope your mum will take help.At acertain age some older folk just cant be bothered with all the hassle of going through all that they need to go through.And in the end my dad lived for another 5 years.And he seen great grandkids being born ,Wich i dont know what would have happened if he didnt get help ,And his last years he was relitely pain free.And really happy to be hear to see his grandkids.Everyone has a different experience.But im not sure if any off that helped ,But its good to talk about stuff like this .My mum passed away at 40 years old with a brain tumour.If they had the same technolligy nowadays She might have lived another few year.But in the 1980s there wasnt much people could do .Hope your mum will get help 

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  • PennyS

    Hi , thank you for sharing your experience of helping your dad. he was clearly a very proud man. There are lots of reasons why people can be  reluctant to accept help .


     We are  glad that he managed to take pain relief which enabled him to go to the places that he needed to go to and see his grand kids .

    We are here for you , if you would like to speak with one of our team ,have any questions or simply need someone to listen you can phone the Support line on 0800 090 2309

    Take care ,

    Penny - support line nurse 

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  • macktavish

    Thanks Penny ,I will keep in touch .Thanks

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  • Reddragon

    Many thanks all my mother passed away peacefully two weeks ago In hospital . Nurses were great

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