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    3 replies

    Hi everyone.  I am not sure why I am here and I am not sure anyone can help me but I need help.

    My beautiful sister lost her battle with Cancer just 2 months ago.  She was only 63 and had fought Peritoneal Cancer for 5 years.  She died at home with the care of Marie Curie nurses but even they could not prepare me for the trauma my sister suffered.  She seemed to lose weight overnight and became just literally bone and hearing her moans and cries was heartbreaking. Even when they reassured us she couldn't be feeling anything her moans and groans continued and I knew in my heart she was suffering.

    I cannot seem to stop crying - not for the past 2 months,  It has been daily and I am crying typing this..  I feel my heart is broken beyond repair.  I am the eldest and Myra was the one next to me although I have 2 wonderful brothers and 2 wonderful sisters left as well as Myra's family I just feel numb.  We were a close family and Myra was not only my sister but my best friend.  

    She is not the first loss I have suffered.  I lost a baby - miscarriage 29 years ago and I still think of that baby as well.  Plus lost my dad when he was 38 in 1973 to Meningitis and Mum in 2010 aged 78 and relatives who have all died early due to bloody cancer and heart issues.  Cancer runs in the family and I am not watching siblings, nieces, and nephews having to undergo radical surgery as they carry the Brca2 gene - which as the eldest missed me so I have the guilt from that but so glad for my children.  We also carry the Lynch Gene so double edged sword.

    I miss my sister so much and not even grandchildren going on about Christmas is making me any happier and to be honest I could see it far enough.  Most days I want to hide under covers and not see anyone but I don't as I also have a disabled husband due to MS.

    How can I cope with this grief?

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  • Hannah11

    Hello MargaretMcG,

    Welcome to the Marie Curie Community.

    We are sorry to read about the loss of your beautiful sister and the loss of your relatives that you have experienced too. We're also sorry to hear about your husband's diagnosis. Thank you for sharing with us all you and your family are going through.

    Grieving can be painful because losing someone important to you can be very distressing and can come with some powerful emotions. But grief itself is not an illness. It cannot be fixed, or cured, or made to go away.

    Over time the grief and pain you feel will usually become less strong. Most people find that they can adapt to a life without the person who has died. But there is no timescale for how long this will take because it is different for everyone.

    When you are grieving it is very important to be kind to yourself – and do what feels right for you.

    How we grieve is completely individual and it's different for everyone.

    There are no set stages that we all go through. And our feelings and emotions do not follow an order – they will come and go over time.

    We hope that others will read your post and share ways that helped them cope with their grief that you may find helpful.

    Our Support Line is here for those who may need some support or someone to talk to about a bereavement. You can call us on Freephone 0800 090 2309.

    Take care,

    Hannah - Support Line Officer.

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  • Lindaaitch

    Hello Margaret McG

    I lost my husband to cancer 6 weeks ago. He was diagnosed in July and told it was very aggressive and terminal. He was in no pain throughout, he wanted to be at home to die so it was the last thing i could do for him.

    But all i think about is the last hour of his death as like your experience it was so traumatic he had been so calm throughout this illness but that last hour he shouted and moaned and tried to raise himself up.

    Its on my mind constantly and i can't get past it. we have no family so i am literally on my own with this image in my mind we had 23 years happy marriage why can't i think of this?

    so i know exactly what you are going through.i hope you can get some peace soon and start to remember the happy times.

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  • Hannah11

    Hi Lindaaitch, 

    Welcome to the Online Community and thank you for sharing your experience with us. 

    I'm sorry to hear about the loss of your husband and all that you went through as a family. 

    If someone's final moments were difficult for them or us, it's very natural for that to stay with us unfortunately. It can force us to look back and see if we could have made different decisions or simply wish things had happened a different way. 

    Lots of people can find it hard to think of the happy times in the early stages of a loss, however it can become easier with time. 

    You may find it helpful to talk to someone like us on the Support Line about what you went through, you can also share with us some memories if you'd like to also. 

    We're here for you if you need us. 

    Hannah - Support Line Officer

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