Lost both parent to cancer. Don’t know how to grieve

Dots 4 years ago

6 replies

Hello - 4 years ago we lost out father to cancer. He was the love of my mums life. I didn’t grieve as I should - I kept my feelings inside because the main thing was to make sure that my mum was ok. I put her first. And this summer, my mum was diagnosed with terminal cancer and died with us round her bed around three months after the diagnosis. So now I’m lost. In 40. I didn’t learn to grieve before, but now I must and I don’t know what that looks like. There is work to do when losing both parents. I’m used to worrying about something else, or someone else. I’m terrified of facing my feelings. How does one process this stuff? I just feel numb. My last 4 years have been devoted - in my mind- to thinking if my mother is ok. What happens now?

David 4 years ago

Dots 4 years ago

Thank you so much David 😊

HannahJG 4 years ago

Hi Dots, 

Thank you for sharing your story on here. I am so sorry to hear about the loss of both your parents, it's okay to feel lost. Grief is very different for everyone, personal experience has shown me there is no right or wrong way to gri eve. 

I lost my Dad to cancer nearly 10 months ago and at first, I felt numb - almost emotionless. Then the emotions came in different forms E.G anger, tears, frustration etc. 

I have learnt that talking about it definitely does help. Even if it's typing on here - knowing that there are others having a similar experience or knowing how you feel is very comforting. Getting those thoughts out of your mind and putting them into words may give you some relief. 

Please feel free to continue sharing your feelings on here, there is always someone to listen and reply.

Take care of yourself,

Hannah - Community SuperUser

Philippa 2 years ago

Hi,I'm new to the group. My dad had been I'll for over a year and finally with a lot of pushing & the right tests he was diagnosed with terminal liver cancer in April this year . I was devestated , told him he was a fighter and would get through it. I think I was trying to make myself feel better really. He started on immunotherapy treatment but the second round made him really I'll and it was touch & go for a week. Thankfully he pulled through, but now I get overwhelming waves of sadness, being scared, realisation he won't be around much longer and it's driving me insane, I can't think if anything else . I feel so scared for him and mum . I just feel like I'm greiving now and I shouldn't be

Philippa 2 years ago

Hi,I'm new to the group. My dad had been I'll for over a year and finally with a lot of pushing & the right tests he was diagnosed with terminal liver cancer in April this year . I was devestated , told him he was a fighter and would get through it. I think I was trying to make myself feel better really. He started on immunotherapy treatment but the second round made him really I'll and it was touch & go for a week. Thankfully he pulled through, but now I get overwhelming waves of sadness, being scared, realisation he won't be around much longer and it's driving me insane, I can't think if anything else . I feel so scared for him and mum . I just feel like I'm greiving now and I shouldn't be