Losses - signifcant events/days/seasonal

Nemo420 5 years ago

1 reply

Edited by Nemo420 5 years ago

My mum died after lenghty illness combined with strokes,Dementia and Parkinson end of Nov 2018. A difficult festive season that seems more like a blur now. Found out recently my absent dad died one month earlier. Yet to process. Nearest family is 40 miles away, my twin sister with her hubby and 3 years son. I have no kids, not by choice, disenfranchised grief too, no partner, I'm long twem ill, unable to work and have few friends that I'm not comfortable reaching out to. That wasn't meant to have pitynot just saying the facts. The friends I have left seem strained or it could be me. Feel so disconnected/detached and negative. Didn't have the typical mum & daughter relationship due her being phyiscally and mentally unwell throughout my life. This Mothering Sunday is my/our first without her whilst I acknowledge my childless too. Wondering how to best self care that day & night? Welcome offers of suggestions?
My sister and her family hope to spend time with me on that day yet its bitter sweet personally. Notice my well being is affected after spending time with them. Aware I need a see a therapist about this and multiple losses on many levels in the pass 5-10years plus.
Just wish to my have sense of humour back too whilst greiving.

Ross 5 years ago

Hello Nemo420,

Thank you for sharing your experience with us and others here on the community. We’re sorry to read about the recent death of your mum and all that you have experienced over the years.  

It can be normal for grief to evoke many different emotions. It sounds as though things are especially difficult for you at the moment, have you ever spoken to a professional about how you’re feeling, such as your GP? While everyone grieves differently, people often tell us that reading about grief can be helpful and if you would like to, we feature information on our website about grieving in your own way which you can view here: https://www.mariecurie.org.uk/help/support/bereaved-family-friends/dealing-grief/grieving-your-way .

The firsts of everything can be challenging and it’s understandable that you’re wondering how best to self-care for yourself to prepare for this coming Mothering Sunday. For many people, talking about how they’re feeling is a big part of taking care of themselves; sharing your emotions on this community is a positive step to take. You may also find that reaching out and talking aloud in a confidential space can help allow you to process how you’re feeling and to begin to understand what has happened. If you feel that this may be beneficial, our Support Line is here to listen in the lead up to, on Mothering Sunday, or anytime thereafter on Freephone 0800 090 2309. Our opening hours can be found here: https://www.mariecurie.org.uk/help/support/marie-curie-support-line .

We also feature information on our website about being kind to yourself and taking the time to look after yourself which you may find helpful here:  https://www.mariecurie.org.uk/help/support/bereaved-family-friends/dealing-grief/looking-after-yourself

You mention in your post about the possibility of seeking some counselling. For many people this is equally a positive step and can often start with a conversation with a GP. There are also other ways that you can arrange counselling services through which we provide information about on our website here:  https://www.mariecurie.org.uk/help/support/bereaved-family-friends/dealing-grief/bereavement-or-grief-counselling  

Take care,

Ross – Support Line Team