Losing my mum

Em13 7 years ago

3 replies

Hi everyone,

I lost my wonderful mum at the end of July last year, she had breast cancer in 2014 but received treatment for it and we thought that everything that needed to be done had been and she would be ok. Sadly she became jaundiced at the start of July 2016 and was admitted to hospital but was told the cancer had spread to her liver, bones and lungs and only palliative care was offered. She died less than a month later, she was only 56. I was so close to my mum, and she was helping me to raise my daughter who is now 18 months old - she loved being a grandma and was such a massive support to me. She was my best friend.

I have kept going as best I can in order to look after my daughter, but I miss my mum all the time. It is exhausting just to get out of bed and keep functioning each day. I guess I'm just carrying on waiting for it to get easier, but as my daughter grows up I feel so sad that my mum will never see her again. I wonder when it will get easier. 

Debs 7 years ago

Hello Em, I am so sorry you lost your mum recently, and at such a young age. If you have seen my post you will see I lost my dad on December 12th, so I know how you are struggling each day .I hope you are getting support to raise your daughter from other family members or friends. I fully understand you saying your mum was your best friend.I am sure when poeple die they are still watching over us, and always will. I would not wish to inflict my thoughts on anyone else, but personally am convinced that they always watch over us, and so I will try to live the rest of my life, in honour of my dad. Hope I can help in some small way. 💔

Em13 7 years ago

Hi Debs,

Thank you for your post - I just read yours about losing your dad, it must be so hard to explain it all to your brother. In a way I guess I 'm lucky that my daughter is too young to need me to explain anything to her, but then again its such a shame that she will never know her grandma except through what I tell her.

Try not to feel guilty about not being with your dad at the end - I didn't know whether mum would have wanted me to be with her or not, I was there in the end but it was a pretty horrific experience and I felt like she had really left her body sometime before she actually died (she was pretty much unconscious for the last day or so). I hope this makes some kind of sense...

Thank you again for answering - it helps to know there's someone else out there.

pymypymy1 7 years ago

Hi I lost my mum two years ago this June . I remember the time, the date, what happened, how I reacted in fact I relive it daily. Mam was my best friend and my life. My little one was 5 wks old when she was diagnosed with breast and lung cancer two different primaries. She was clear for 10 mths but it came back in her lungs they couldn't tell which cancer it was . I was devastated. She died three months later. I was bereft. My little girl just two. I had tried for ages to have my little girl and my mum always said she was her little miracle angel 😀 it's really hard not seeing her, not being able to pick up the phone, not going shopping and a coffee together. Just not hearing her voice. I lost my dad when I was 21 but losing Mam was like a whole new ball game. I found it difficult to get up, look after my little girl, cleaning the house, I cried all day, my little girl used to say aww mammy misses Nana. It was horrible. Two years on its the same but you kind of adjust. I don't cry every day, I think of her all the time, it hurts to look at my little girl as my Mam would've been so proud of her. Milestones are hard but it gets easier . You start thinking of good things. I still get panic attacks of that horrible day but it happens less and less. I went to a counsellor but felt grief is something you need to go through in your own time. No amount of counseling will take the pain away any quicker. I used to beg to take the pain away that I felt . I felt like my comfort blanket had gone and I was alone in the world. My brother and sister don't speak to me anymore as they were selfish towards my mum. I miss them but I know my mum would be cross with them. Talk about her, think about her, cry about her whenever you want too but then realise that you have to carry on and you will, but in your own time. I used to think I wouldn't live without her but I am and I have xxx