Losing my dad

Lauren3009 5 years ago

1 reply

My dad was diagnosed with cancer on 30th Sep this year which also happened to be my birthday. He didn't want to spoil my birthday so didn't tell us until the next day. I was due to fly on holiday that afternoon and obviously didn't want to go. My dad assured me he was fine and that I had to go on holiday as it was well needed and deserved. I knew people weren't being honest with me (I'm a Nurse) so I gave my dad a big hug and told him I loved him and I walked out of hospital without looking back breaking my heart. Later that day, my brother messaged me saying it was terminal and that he was waiting to hear from the palliative nurses, but my dads wish was for me to just go and have fun. Easier said than done, but I did try my best. I chatted with my dad everyday I was away. We had a 10 minute video chat on 3/10/19 and he was cheery and told me he was ok because the pain relief was helping. We told each other we loved them and I said I'd speak to him the next day. The next day came and we decided to go to the waterpark and have fun, for the first time during my holiday I wasnt thinking if my dad, I was having a good time. That was until we stopped for lunch and I found missed calls on my phone. I think I knew then what was coming, but I went into a state of something I cant explain. I called my brother and his girlfriend answered in tears, she kept saying I'll get your mum for you. As soon as my mum answered, I uttered the following sentence without even thinking "my dads died hasn't he" and she confirmed it. Apparently I let out such a scream that the nurses on the ward could hear me from Gran Canaria. The rest has been a blur. We've organised his funeral and I keep reading his obituary, but I dont believe it. Only 4 days after diagnosis my dad passed away peacefully, but I cant accept that he's no longer with us. I'm 35 and I miss my dad more than I could imagine. I just dont know what to do with myself.

Brigette 5 years ago

Hello Lauren3009,

We’re sorry to read about the death of your dad and all that you have experienced over such a short space of time. The death of someone close is one of the hardest things anyone has to face and can bring with it many powerful emotions. It is not unusual to find this overwhelming and to feel a sense that it can’t really have happened. 

Everybody grieves and mourns in different ways and there are no rights or wrongs, It is important to be kind to yourself. Have you spoken to your GP or family about how you are feeling at all ?

I am hoping that others on the Community will be able to share their thoughts and experiences with you. Many people tell us that they find it helpful to talk about how they are feeling and we are here for you on the community and on our Support Line, https://www.mariecurie.org.uk/help/support/marie-curie-support-line

Take care

Brigette- Marie Curie Support Line.