Is it okay to still grieve heavily after 2 years?

ClareC 4 years ago

4 replies

Hi, I'm new to this but I lost my Uncle to Cancer it'll be 3 years next month. He never had any kids and I grew up without a dad so naturally we were closer I was like the daughterhe didn't have and he was my shoulder to cry on, my father figure, I was 21 when he got really sick and stepped up to care for him, I spent every day with him for the last 18 months it was extremely difficult but I never complained. It was Thursday morning and I turned up for my usual coffee and walk at the hospice to be told we were in the final days. I stayed there from 8am until 2am Friday morning, went home to sleep while other family members took over, Friday was the same and Saturday I slept on the chair, went home for head space as it was so tough, got up and ready to go back and was 10 minutes away when I got the call from my aunt to say he was gone. Its 10 days from his 3rd anniversary and things haven't gotten any easier, sometimes I think its gotten harder. How do you cope? How do you let go? It is normal to grieve so hard after 3 years?

Brigette 4 years ago

Hi ClareC,

I am sorry to read about the death of your uncle and how close you here to him. Grief has no time limits and it is very normal to still be feeling its impacts. Anniversaries and special dates can make the grief feel even more raw and painful. Many people tell us talking can help and we can offer bereavement support through many different avenues. You can read more here: https://www.mariecurie.org.uk/help/support/telephone-bereavement-support

In the meantime the community can be a safe space for you to talk about how you are feeling and hopefully others will share their coping mechanisms with you.

Take care

Brigette - Marie Curie Support Line

rebec12341 4 years ago

Hey Clare, 

I don't think you ever really get over someone's death.

I think you just learn to live with it. I am sorry you had such a difficult time.

I lost my mum over 10 years ago now, I still have points of dealing with grief, especially in times where my life is changing quite significantly. 

I found talking to others about it and processing your memories and feelings had really helped me. 

It's okay not to feel happy all the time, it's important you do things that make you happy and focus on the goodness in your life.

I hope you feel a bit better soon,

Rebecca

ChrisA76 4 years ago

Hi Clare, new to this community but lost my older brother to cancer 6 years ago, he was 40. I would say I have learned to cope and I'm lucky to have kids to keep my mind busy but I catch myself feeling low still more often than I would like. I have found that putting together photo books of him that I can dip into have really helped. All the best

Hannah11 4 years ago

Hi ChrisA76,

Welcome to the Community. Thank you for taking the time to share your experience with us and others. I'm sorry to hear about the loss of your brother. I'm sure others will resonate with these feelings around being able to cope after a time.

Thank you for sharing your helpful tip around creating a photobook. 

If you would ever like to talk more, we're here for you. 

Take care,

Hannah - Support Line Officer