i lost my mum in November & not sure how to cope with it

Tayla246 6 years ago

3 replies

Edited by Tayla246 6 years ago

i'm a 23 year old girl & my mum died of cancer on the 17th November 2017. 

i'm struggling to come to terms with it, one minute i am okay then i'm crying uncontrollably. i don't speak to a majority of my family as we had a falling out over the funeral, i feel no one speaks to me. 

i miss her so much & i just don't know how to deal with these emotions

Jessica 6 years ago

Hi, I'm very sorry for your loss. I'm in a similar situation. I'm a 22 year old girl and my mum passed away from cancer on the 29th November 2017 and also had family disputes but luckily have fairly close family friends instead. But don't like talking to them about feelings as I don't think they can relate on the same level and it's obviously difficult to talk anything to with my mum full stop as it's still so painful. 

Currently trying to finish my degree but starting to get overwhelmed with everything and don't really know how to deal with these emotions either. Do you try to keep yourself busy or find it hard to do tasks? 

Tayla246 6 years ago

Hey Jessica, I'm sorry to hear about your mum too. Life can be so cruel! Not a day goes by I don't wish to just see her again. I have close friends too but like you I don't like to talk about it for the exact same reason you don't. I left my job in January so I'm currently unemployed which I feel is making me worse as I have too much time to think about stuff. I have just started a college course on addiction counselling which is helping me a lot (my mum had a drinking issue) it's giving me the chance to understand how she felt. It's so hard to find a job these days. I'm sure your mum is very proud of you for continuing your studies! I know it's hard but stay focused and do it not just for you but for her too X

CJ14 6 years ago

Hi, I am so sorry for your losses. I lost my cousin and best friend in January this year after a long battle with cancer. One minute I think I am coping, next minute it completely overwhelms me. I am lucky in that I have people I can talk to but I am conscious of the fact that they are dealing with her loss themselves so I don't want to burden them with my sadness. I lost my Mum when I was 14 and have lost others throughout the years but this is different - maybe it's due to the fact that I was very involved in the last year of my cousin's life and it was incredibly distressing to witness at times so I can't begin to imagine what she went through. Sadly, there are no magic words to make things better and, in my experience, it is only time which makes things a little less raw but there is an awful lot of pain and heartache during that journey. All we can all really do is to keep putting one foot in front of the other but don't expect too much of yourselves or beat yourselves up for feeling the way you do - I've come to realise that crying is a bit like letting some of the pressure off. Sometimes it is really difficult to talk to people because although they are invariably well meaning, sometimes it can make you worse - everyone handles grief differently - I got to the point last week where I felt like screaming because if one more person said to me 'when you are sad, think of the happy memories' however, at the moment, the happy memories make me even sadder because I know I can't make any more memories with my cousin. It's a no-win situation at the moment but sometimes just writing about how you feel can help, you can say what you want without worrying about what the person you are talking to might be thinking.....I wish you both the very best and I really hope things work out for you -  I am full of admiration that you are trying to move ahead with things much as it is incredibly difficult at this time and I hope, little by little, you can see a way forward xx