Hi again Julie,
I feel fairly sure that you are right - 'asking why' is sometimes similar to 'kicking something [innocent - like a wall] in a rage'.
I've been pointed at the Elisabeth Kubler-Ross stuff by nurses, and I did check it out: I'm not sure that I am 100% with the theory, at least in its 'simplest' form.
But it isn't really relevant to my EoL concerns, because I don't think her theory deals with the time of most interest to me: which is the hours immediately following a death at home, and the behaviour of various professionals during that period. I recently cobbled together an EoL Timeline created from first principles , and I divided the post-death period into two sections. The first one I defined as 'The period between the death and attempting to go to sleep.' The following period I defined as 'The longer-term ‘grieving process’ in the days, months or years after the death.'
I explained that I had settled on these two periods because:
'in essence, I believe that the day of the death itself 'is about the creation of long-term memories', whereas the days and months after that, are about 'dealing with those memories'.'
HCPs discuss the 'dealing with the memories' bit quite a lot - I would like rather more discussion, about behaviour in that immediately post-mortem period, and whether contemporary behaviour for EoL home death, is actively [and unnecessarily] creating 'trauma memories' when more balanced behaviour would be less damaging to live-with relatives.
Best wishes, Mike