Hello

Wishing 7 years ago

1 reply

A quick introduction. I have had fibromyalgia and CFS for 10 years, My husband and I were due to retire to Spain this year. He was told he had a tumour on the 22Nd December, and retired on 23rd! He has undergone radio and chemotherapy, but has made no difference. There is a last ditch attempt for consideration for surgery, but most likely outcome is receiving palliative platinum chemotherapy. Outlook doesn't seem good. 

Feeling quite stressed, my own pain medication increased. I am desperate to support him, and whilst I am coping quite well with the administration side of things, he doesn't want to talk about financial matters, because of what it signifies. Physically, I feel like I'm almost at breaking point. 

Any comments/advice welcome. 

Support 7 years ago

Hi Wishing,

I’m sorry to read about what you and your husband are going through. Supporting a loved one who is living with a terminal illness can be both emotionally and physically draining particularly when you are trying to manage your own health conditions. Taking time to focus on your own wellbeing is important. You may find our pages on being there for someone helpful - https://www.mariecurie.org.uk/help/support/being-there .

You mention your husband’s reluctance to talk about financial matters, as you have found, sometimes talking about a particular issue whether it is the illness itself or something like finances can make the situation feel too real. For some people avoiding talking is giving themselves an opportunity to process things at a manageable rate. Not knowing if this is case and your loved one will feel at some point able to discuss things can be hard though.

I’m not certain if this would be relevant in your circumstances but some people have told us that when they are broaching practical financial matters or issues such as completing a power of attorney they have found it helpful to discuss it as something they both need to address in case there came a time either of them was not well enough. This might make it seem like something any couple should be taking time to do.

If you would like to talk about things in more detail please call our Free phone Support Line on 0800 090 2309, or drop us a line via Web Chat:

https://www.mariecurie.org.uk/help

Best Wishes

Nadine (Marie Curie Support Line)