Feeling helpless and frustrated

  • 02/08/2018  01:05

    Hi I'm my best friends support person as her mother is terminally ill stage 4 lung cancer, there's been so much fights an arguments but she's been aloud to come home so she is in a hospital bed and all that but I have only seen her since she's been home recently,she cannot walk so I asked her have u gone for a walk in ur wheelchair (meaning has anyone taken her outside in the sun she told me her self she stays in that bed in that room 24/7 never leaves it being by her self, her room is depressing it is so dull and not homey at all I need help with helping this lady live life not be left in state of numbness not remembering how life was for her before she got sick

  • Posts: 229
    02/08/2018  15:04

    Hello Loyaltyzfynest,


    It’s heart-warming to read how you are trying to support your best friend and her mother. With the arguments that you mention it sounds like they have been having an especially tough time.


    Looking at ways to make your best friends mums room homely is a lovely idea. When someone is spending a lot or all of their time in bed this can make a real difference to them. Having family photos and things such as favourite ornaments moved to the room she is now spending her time in may help this. Some people may enjoy listening to music or having a favourite TV programme on. The lighting in the room can really affect how it feels, something like a bedside side lamp that can be dimmed would give a soothing light when she is resting. Do you feel that your friend would be ok with you making suggestions like this? If so we have a page on a website about making a room a comfortable space that could be helpful - www.mariecurie.org.uk/help/support/being-there/caring/comfortable-bed 


    Do you know if district nurses are visiting your friends mother? If so they may be able to advise and make suitable suggestions about things she may be able to still do and enjoy whether in her home or outdoors.


    Hopefully others here on the community will be able to share their own ideas with you as well. For those reading this, please feel free to join in the conversation with any suggestions.


    Take care


    Clare – Marie Curie Support Line

  • 03/08/2018  12:56

    Hi thank u so much for replying back everything u said made sense and it's not my friend with the problem it's her sister we tried putting a lovely a vase with flowers in her room today and her sister started loseing It, she said take them out I don't want them in hear (by the way it's a 2storey house 5bedrooms and her sister another sister and her one year old son sleep in that room they have a bed her mums bed a cot,her mum Did say to her sister put them on my table we can't do anything we went there folded washing hung a load Out while her mum was getting washed as we WERNT aloud in and her sister once again started yelling at us and then my bestfriend was looking for sticky tape to put pictures up on the wall and both the sister and her dad started on her speaking rude an yelling This is everytime occurrence. Her mum is looking at a wall with nothing on it she has a TV which has nothing she watches on it when she was well all she watched was law and order on pay TV, the tv is dangerous for the one year old as he runs and playes he almost knocked him self out and I brought the TV to the sister and dads attention she swore at me and the dad said he will b right.we don't feel welcome we Arnt welcome they do more then make us feel that way my heart breaks for her mum I'm close with her and everyone in that house is brainwashing Her to think that she cannot get out of bed she cannot go out side she cannot!! So she doesn't even try the medication is all rong she has depression and delirium she's confused as to why she's feeling how she is no one has explained nothing the family Just do what the the Dr tells them there were silver chain nurses there today therehopeless they didn't mention the room they even said no to wheel chair but the longer she stays in that bed the more she will not no how to use her body. Her sister as career is incapable and I'm not hating I'm not I be nice polite and she is just rude she doesn't let us in sometimes.sorry for rant and thank u for listening xx

  • Posts: 229
    03/08/2018  16:39

     Hello Loyaltyzfynest,

    It sounds as though you and your friend are really concerned about her mother. We’d like to get a clearer picture of the situation to ensure that we can discuss things in the best way possible with you. Would you be able to give us a call on our Support Line so we can talk things through in more detail? 

    Our opening hours are Monday 8am till 8pm (for August) Tuesday – Friday 8am till 6pm and Saturday 11am till 5pm.

    Take care,

    Ross - Marie Curie Support Line

  • 04/08/2018  02:07

    I'm based in Australia I couldn't find anything over hear so I joined your page is that OK,?

  • Posts: 229
    04/08/2018  12:32

    Hello Loyaltyzfynest


    Here at Marie Curie we support people living with a terminal illness and anyone affected by a terminal illness in the UK.


    On our Support Line we aren’t familiar with the support services that may be available in different countries around the world. However, you are more than welcome to use our online community to reach out for peer support.


    Take care,


    Sam - Marie Curie Support Line