I really feel for you like many of us do. You say you wonder how others have coped. People are very good at hiding grief. I went to a counsellor "knowing" that it wouldn't help me as they didn't know my relative. They advised 6 sessions, but I went to 3 and then "gave up". After giving up on the counselling sessions, I was actually feeling a little better where I was more in control of my emotions. I could understand a bit better, I could sleep a bit longer in-between waking up in the night. Nobody can teach us or tell us how we should react. We are all different, but everyone's way is very "normal". Take a step back and ask yourself what your wife would want for you. Go and sit in your favourite place, eat in her favourite restaurant and talk about her. Sometimes when I'm feeling like emotions are building up, I realise I may not have spoken about them for a day or 2 and kept it to myself. Speaking out loud really helps I found. What also helped me was writing a diary each day, or other day about what you have done, your feelings, your hopes and beliefs etc. Even if it is just for you to read.
I hope this helps a little bit. I'm sending you best wishes for a tough time ahead, but time will get easier as you learn ways of coping. Big hug to you and your family at this hard time x