Tray 5 years ago
I'm posting on here as I feel so very low and vunerable so anxious and stressed . I lost my mum to cancer in may this year she was diagonoised in feb this year. I lived with mum and we were peas in a pod you could not get a stronger bond. I nursed her throughout and when she had to go into hospice I stayed with her 24/7 I lived in the hospice with her in the bed at the side of hers. Seeing her deteriote daily is just gutting and painful beyond words so very painfully thin she really suffered . My mum was the only person who truly loved me was there for me only person who trusted and person who I could really talk to we were each others world and now just me. When she was told of cancer I said mum I wish it was me I would take it from you if I could. Reality really is kicking in more and more she not here and memory's all over home as we lived together and. Auturm here then people already going on about Christmas and in shops Christmas is criping in and it's kicking me in the heart pain beyond words I dread sleeping get nightmares and then on awakening that few momments when it not real and then bang you realise it is and then the day ahead every hour is exhausting to get through. I'm so very tired of this pain. So anxious and awful constant stressed on edge feeling can't switch off. The enormity of mum not here I can't face. I can't believe at times this is the cards I've been dealt and mum was only 60 so young nowadays I feel robbed and angry life so very unfair and cruel.
I feel so low I just feel I would be better of not being here and go be with mum as this is too painfull . I feel desperate.
Hug to all those who are going through grief xxfrom Tray xx