Don't want to go on without mum

Tray 8 years ago

2 replies

Hi everyone,

I'm posting on here as I feel so very low and vunerable so anxious and stressed . I lost my mum to cancer in may this year she was diagonoised in feb this year. I lived with mum and we were peas in a pod you could not get a stronger bond. I nursed her throughout and when she had to go into hospice I stayed with her 24/7 I lived in the hospice with her in the bed at the side of hers. Seeing her deteriote daily is just gutting and painful beyond words so very painfully thin she really suffered . My mum was the only person who truly loved me was there for me only person who trusted and person who I could really talk to we were each others world and now just me. When she was told of cancer I said mum I wish it was me I would take it from you if I could. Reality really is kicking in more and more she not here and memory's all over home as we lived together and. Auturm here then people already going on about Christmas and in shops Christmas is criping in and it's kicking me in the heart pain beyond words I dread sleeping get nightmares and then on awakening that few momments when it not real and then bang you realise it is and then the day ahead every hour is exhausting to get through. I'm so very tired of this pain. So anxious and awful constant stressed on edge feeling can't switch off. The enormity of mum not here I can't face. I can't believe at times this is the cards I've been dealt and mum was only 60 so young nowadays I feel robbed and angry life so very unfair and cruel. 

I feel so low I just feel I would be better of not being here and go be with mum as this is too painfull . I feel desperate.

Hug to all those who are going through grief xxfrom Tray xx

steve 8 years ago

Hi Tray,

 The loss of a loved one, especially the loss of someone we have shared a special bond with, is an incredibly emotionally moment in our lives.  It is totally understandable that you are feeling ‘very low and vulnerable, anxious and indeed stressed’

There is nothing I can say here that will take that pain away from you; emotional loss is the price we pay for loving someone. Grief is a natural response to losing someone you care about. There's no right or wrong way to grieve, and everyone experiences it differently. The important thing is let yourself grieve and mourn as much and as long as you need to. The grief will always be with you, but it will become more manageable with time and more importantly with support. Tray, I have attached a link to the bereavement section on our website, the information here may go some way in helping you explore what you are currently experiencing.

https://www.mariecurie.org.uk/help/bereaved-family-friends

Many people find it helpful to share their feelings.  I hope you get a reply from others on this forum. If not, please note that our Support Line is available, should you wish to talk to us. You can contact us free on 0800 090 2309, or drop us a line via Web Chat: https://www.mariecurie.org.uk/help

Other organisations you may wish to contact are

Cruse: 0808 808 1677

The Bereavement Trust: 0800 435 455

Best wishes,

Steve

Support Line Advisor

Tray 8 years ago

Hi Steve,

Thank you for your post. It means a lot. And I will use the numbers you have gave. I did see my gp today and I've been referred to the crisis team. I can't write any more at the min as I'm exhausted( but my mind and heart is racing away with so many thoughts and anxiety) 

Thank you again

Tray x