Daily struggle

Ashley435 4 years ago

1 reply

Hi, Maybe I just need to get things off of my chest a little or maybe I need some help to find a way to cope with things but either way it has bought me here to discuss how I feel and what’s troubling me. Firstly I feel I can’t speak to anyone in my family about how I am still feeling and something about the support of strangers or speaking to someone who doesn’t know me is comforting. I worry if I do discuss anything with my family that it’ll either upset them or they won’t understand why I’m still struggling daily. In June 2019, after a long period of my Nan rapidly going down hill she passed away. The passing of her I can deal with and I am glad she is at peace but I can get over the way things ended. She was moved into a care home, my mum was struggling and she needed more help. She was doing ok until she injured her leg, we are really sure what happened but a large necrotic area appeared on her shin which we were having to give medical attention to daily. After multiple hospital visit etc they started her on palliative care as the area of tissue was worsening daily. Myself and my sister went to visit Nan on a Saturday afternoon knowing she didn’t have long left. As we were sat there talking to Nan, who at this point was completely unresponsive, we noticed something in her mouth. It makes me feel sick even thinking of it and I still struggle to use the words but she was being eating by maggots from the inside out. She passed away that night so this is my lasting memory of her. I struggled hugely with eating, even talking about her and had to visit her he before the funeral but it’s played on my mind nearly every single day since. I freeze every time I hear the word, feel sick at the thought of thinking about my lovely Nan and avoid certain situations or even watching things of tv. I don’t want to bring the memory back for my sister or my mum but I really don’t know what to do with myself. A part of me feels silly for feeling the way I do and I’m angry and disgusted even with myself for feeling this way especially as it’s at the point where I dint even want to remember or talk about her because the issues surrounding doing so is too much. Does anyone have any suggestions or have you had anything similar? I just want to know that one day it’ll all pass and I’ll be able to remember her as the kind, loving lady she was.

David 4 years ago

Hi Ashley435,

We’re sorry to read about the passing of your nan last year and the very difficult experience that happened at the time. It is understandable that while you are glad she is at peace now, you are finding it hard to cope with the way things ended. Naturally, this is evoking some powerful emotions for you. People often share that they find it hard or upsetting to talk about a loved one after they have passed especially to other family members or friends who have been affected by it. We hope that talking with us and others here on the community will be of some support.  

The experience of grief is a personal journey and, given what you’ve told us, we realise the memories of your nan in those final moments are particularly challenging and has made your grief all the harder for you to cope with. Struggling with those memories and not knowing what to do with yourself are natural responses to have. Talking about how you’re feeling, as you have started to do here, could be a way of helping you reach that place where you can remember your nan as the kind, loving lady she was.

Have you spoken to a professional about how you’re feeling, such as your GP? They may be able to help you access support (such as bereavement counselling) and make you aware of local organizations that could help you through this difficult time. We have information about accessing bereavement support which you may find helpful to look at: https://www.mariecurie.org.uk/help/support/bereaved-family-friends/dealing-grief/bereavement-or-grief-counselling

Our Support Line offers a safe space to talk if you feel you would like to speak with someone. You can reach us on Freephone 0800 090 2309, or by continuing to chat on this community. Hopefully others here on the community will also share their experiences with you and what they have found helpful.

Take care.  

David - Support Line Officer