kittyirvine 4 years ago
Edited by kittyirvine 4 years ago
hello all - new to the forum but all to familiar with the scourge of cancer. My mother died 7 years ago of lung cancer having been a smoker since she was 12. She died at 71 and from initial diagnosis to dying was a mere 12 weeks. Within 3 months of mum dying my dad took up a "friendship" with an ex girlfriend (a widow twice over but with no children) he had before he married my mum. They have been together for the last 6+ years, going on holiday together and he would visit her at the weekends. My relationship with her, while not close, is fine but i have always left them to do their own thing but invited them to any family events such as our wedding. I like her and think she's been good for my father. A few months ago she started complaining of pains in her legs which the doctors decided was peripheral artery disease from heavy smoking. She also has COPD. After this diagnosis my father cooled off the relationship as she could no longer "look after" him. I was seething at this behaviour as it was typical of his selfishness. She has no nearby family and supports her 90 year old sister! The pain continued and now following a raft of investigations she has been diagnosed with Lung Cancer. She's undergoing a biopsy tomorrow to see what stage it is at. Given her weight loss, pallor and the fact she's now on morphine for the pain, i fear the outcome will be a very poor prognosis. My dilemma is that i feel compelled to become heavily involved in her care as i can't bear the thought of her going through this herself while my father stands aimlessly looking on a situation he has no idea how to handle. I am an ex Nurse so know what is ahead having also nursed my mum. The questions i have to this forum is how do i approach my dads partner and ask her what i can do to support her - or indeed if she wants me to help her. I live some distance from both of them but would make the effort to be there for her. Can anyone advise me? Thanks in anticipation.