Hornblower 1 year ago
My 99 year old mother died three weeks ago. Five days after her death I received the following comment over the phone from my sister-in-law, "I have been surprised at what you've been able to do this week. At least you're not sitting for 24 hours a day wallowing in self-pity". By the way I cared for my mother for almost 14 years, and for 13 of those years I was Mum's sole carer. I received help only for the last year of Mum's life.
The implication here is clearly that if I was crying or grieving constantly the whole time that I would be "wallowing in self-pity"
I found that comment cruel in the extreme so close after my bereavement and could only attribute her callousness to some deep-rooted personal issue.
I am having difficulty forgiving my sister-in-law and I feel that her comment has resulted in me feeling I should not be crying or grieving and should not speak about my loss.