An open door, to say hello

Hello Sam. My brother died last week from terminal cancer. The circumstances of his death were somewhat unusual, and so whilst my sister and I could prepare in some ways for his death, what happened has in some ways left my sister i. particular in a vulnerable state. What is worse is that my sister lives in Tuscany and though has the support of her husband and children, in other ways does not have the all the support available to me in the UK. I’ve been trained as a counsellor in the past and am a mental health first aide, I can’t provide the kind of support that my sister needs. Other than online, is there any english language support in Italy that she could get?

Hello Mick

I’m so sorry to read that your brother died just last week and that you feel your sister is in a particularly vulnerable state in Tuscany. Whilst we aren’t trained counsellors on our Support Line, we are here to offer emotional support and a listening ear to anyone that needs to talk. If you feel this would be helpful, your sister is more than welcome to get in touch with us on our International number which is (+44)1204 449284. She would need to look at the call charges this would incur and call within our opening hours which are Monday to Friday 8am to 6pm and on a Saturday 11am to 5pm (GMT).

People often tell us that talking to someone can be beneficial and whilst we are available to talk to over the phone, we also have a live web chat service that yourself or your sister could use to talk to us directly in real time. To read more about our online chat service, or to get in touch using this then please visit our web page here: https://www.mariecurie.org.uk/help/support/marie-curie-support-line/using-online-chat .

Our online community is available to access 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. People often tell us that reaching out to others that a may be in a similar experience can be comforting so if you feel it appropriate to mention our community to your sister then please do.

Whilst we unfortunately don’t hold information about support services that may be available outside of the UK, I am aware that there is a Samaritans helpline available to access in Italy that she may find helpful.

Samaritans offer a safe place to talk whatever the situation and your sister can get in touch with them to get support between the hours of 1pm and 10pm daily on Freephone 800 860 022 (from a landline) or 06 77 208 977 (from a mobile). They are available to talk in both Italian and English. You can read more about their service here: https://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help-you/how-our-service-helps/other-sources-help/outside-uk-or-ireland

I hope this information will be of use to you and your sister.

Take care and thank you for reaching out to me.

Sam

Hi Sam

I just want to ask what do you suggest when someone feels alone and lonely? I am doing my best to get out there and join clubs and feel very proud of myself today as I managed to go out for lunch and to the cinema by myself for the first time but I felt so alone.

I am normally very shy and find it hard to talk to others and my hubby was always my friendly talker.

Hi Carol

Thank you for reaching out to me. Sadly, people often tell me that they feel alone and lonely after the loss of a loved one. The first thing that I would suggest is to be kind to yourself. It sounds as though you are doing your best to get out there which is brilliant and you should be very proud of yourself (I know even the smallest things can be difficult during this time, let alone if you are normally a shy person). The one thing I would say is to please do things when you feel you want to, not because you think you must. Everyone experiences grief differently and it can take time to adjust after the loss of someone close, so the important thing is to let yourself grieve for your husband as much and as long as you need to – allow yourself to take ‘baby steps’ as they say.

I often hear that talking can be helpful during bereavement when you are feeling lonely. Some people choose to do this with people they are close to or familiar with, where as others prefer to talk to someone that they don’t know such as ourselves at the Support Line. We are here to offer a listening ear to anyone that needs to talk and if you feel this would be helpful then please call us on Freephone 0800 090 2309, or you can always chat to us through this forum if this is better for you (it really can be about anything and everything and you may find that others will offer their support or join in with the conversation on this community too).

You may or may not be aware of a charity called Cruse who may offer bereavement support groups locally where you can talk to others that may be feeling similarly to yourself. I hear that this can be a really good way to get support from people who may be able to relate with what you’re going through. If th is is of interest to you, you can read more about these groups on their website here: https://www.cruse.org.uk/group-support .

For me to share with you with the most appropriate information and signposting with you Carol, it would really help for me to know your age if your happy to share this with me? Please feel free to

send me a private message if you’re not comfortable to put it on our forum.

I look forward to hearing back from you,

Sam   

Hi Sam I am 59 and I lost my hubby in June, Thank you for your comments although i have lots of family and friends I feel more comfortable talking to this forum where everyone understands what I am going through. I will try cruise as it's been suggested before Thank you.