Unreasonable wishes for final months

oooo 1 year ago

1 reply

Father currently in hospital with cancer spreading and has been given a couple of months to live. He's asked to be taken out of hospital as soon as he's stabilised, but he's adamant that he does not want to go home. He's made a list of a few places he wants to go live out his final days. 

Unfortunately, there are so many challenges, such as:

- They are all in other countries and far away from us so we would not be able to visit regularly if at all. 

- It would be impossible to rent a place and have them agree to us modifying it for a terminally ill cancer patient, let alone wanting to have someone come and die there.

- No chance of buying we just don't have the money, and he knows this.

- Arranging medication, medical support, nurses would be impossible or insanely expensive.

They're all just non-starters.

What can we do? We can say no to it all and crush his spirits. We can say yes, but we just can't deliver. Fine to stall for a bit saying something like we're working on it, but if he lives further than the couple of months, we can't keep stalling and then we're just lying to him.

David 1 year ago

Hello,

Welcome to the Marie Curie Community and we’re sorry to hear about your father's condition and the dilemma you are facing with these requests from him. It sounds like you are keen not to let him down but for practical reasons are not able to fulfil these specific wishes. This is a difficult situation to try and manage.

Would it be an option to explain to your father, as you have here, that unfortunately the things he is asking for are not possible and ask if there is an alternative he would accept? Being honest about what you can and cannot do is hard and approaching these conversations can be so difficult with a close relative who is terminally ill - perhaps there are others on our community who have faced similar situations or dilemmas with their family?

If you want to talk with us further then you’re welcome to do so here on the Marie Curie Community, it is your safe space, and our Support Line is also available on Freephone 0800 090 2309 or through webchat at www.mariecurie.org.uk, if you want to discuss this with one of the team.

Take care,

David - Support Line Officer