Unexpectedly upset.

susieq 7 years ago

1 reply

A little background: I had been separated from my husband for 17 years. Before that, we had been together for 31 years. We never divorced and remained distantly friendly - contact maybe once a month, remembering birthdays and so on. Also, in an emergency, the other would come when called - e.g. 'I've crashed the car and my dog's stuck at home'. That sort of thing aside, we both lived independently - I'm reclusive but content with my own company.

A couple of days ago, I learnt by accident that my husband had died. The fact is not a surprise as he had cancer, but the fact that I was not told, and missed the funeral, has upset me a lot. I don't know an exact date, or cause, or who's dealing with the estate. Or anything really.

I'm a mixture of shocked, sad and angry, but as we were well and truly separated, this seems peculiar. I suppose it will wear off. Sorry - I just needed to get this off my chest...

Support 7 years ago

Hi Susieq

I’m sorry to hear about the death of your husband and the way that you found out. Please be reassured that the emotions you describe are not peculiar, you were in each other’s lives for a long time. Shock, sadness and anger can be natural responses to death. You may find it helpful to look at our information on grieving in your own way - https://www.mariecurie.org.uk/help/bereaved-family-friends/dealing-grief/grieving-your-way

A funeral can be a focus for what we are feeling. When a person has been unable to attend they may feel that they have missed out on an important part of grieving. Some have found it helpful to mark the persons death in their own way, visiting a place that is significant to the person who died is just one possibility.

If you would like to talk about things in more detail please call our Free phone Support Line on 0800 090 2309, or drop us a line via Web Chat:

https://www.mariecurie.org.uk/help

Best Wishes

Clare (Marie Curie Support Line)