Unexpectedly upset.

susieq 7 years ago

1 reply

A little background: I had been separated from my husband for 17 years. Before that, we had been together for 31 years. We never divorced and remained distantly friendly - contact maybe once a month, remembering birthdays and so on. Also, in an emergency, the other would come when called - e.g. 'I've crashed the car and my dog's stuck at home'. That sort of thing aside, we both lived independently - I'm reclusive but content with my own company.

A couple of days ago, I learnt by accident that my husband had died. The fact is not a surprise as he had cancer, but the fact that I was not told, and missed the funeral, has upset me a lot. I don't know an exact date, or cause, or who's dealing with the estate. Or anything really.

I'm a mixture of shocked, sad and angry, but as we were well and truly separated, this seems peculiar. I suppose it will wear off. Sorry - I just needed to get this off my chest...

Helen 7 years ago

Dear Susisq,  I was very saddened to read your post from June (I only joined recently) about your husband's death.  I can well understand your pain as I too had something similar in my life.  My beloved brother passed away after 2 years in a coma.  I used to travel to see him every 3 weeks from the UK where I was then living. However because of family rows dating back many years, nobody told me he had died.  I found out quite by chance when I rang the hospital to find out if there was any change in his condition.  The sister in the hospital was shocked to hear that nobody had told me.  I set out immediately for the funeral the details of which I got from a cousin who too was shocked to hear that I had not been informed.  I rang my brother's house and asked them to hold the funeral over for 2 hours to give to time to get there but they refused.  I arrived just after the funeral had ended and was in quite a state.  My brother and I were life long friends; he always looked out for me when I was a child and I adored him.  Although a few years have gone by since his burial, I cannot forgive them for the terrible way they treated me.  Since he died nobody has even sent me a photograph of him.  You will in time come to terms with the way in which you have been treated.  I learned to live with the situation but have no time for any of my brother's family today.  I wish you well for the future.  Learn to deal with it and then move on as what has happened cannot be changed.  Life can be so unfair at times.