Recent bereavment

Piousuk 6 years ago

1 reply

Hi My step dad passed 10 days ago and I am feeling a mix of slight anger and that non of it is real. I haven’t cried even when my mother is breaking her heart to me. He was a wonderful partner to my mum for 20+ years and is very popular in the local community. I assisted as best I could in his care at home. At times it was frustrating with the lack of assistance my mother received but my parents were also very proud and we suspect put off a lot of help offered. He began to fall frequently over a 10 day period and suddenly went into a deep sleep and then peacefully died 4 days later at home in his bed with family around him. During the final 2 weeks Marie curie were incredible and made the whole process comforting. This is the closest experience I’ve had to death since very young and I’m now in my late 30s. I just feel nothing, the funeral isn’t for another week and I’m concerned I will explode with emotion then or just continue to be numb. I feel guilty about this; we viewed his body yesterday and I comforted my mother but did not express and emotion. In fact I was waiting for him to open his eyes and shout booo!! This last week I feel constant chest pains and this is proving stressful as I had a heart attack & surgery 9 weeks ago. Any advice etc would be gratefully accepted. Wishing all of you the best Garry.

Samantha 6 years ago

Hello Garry,

I’m sorry to read about the recent loss of your step dad and all that you’re experiencing.

Grief affects everyone differently and there is no right or wrong way to grieve. Anger and a sense of unreality can be normal during the early stages of bereavement as we try to process what’s happened and mourn the loss of a loved one.

There is a common perception that grief is about crying, so sometimes people feel strange if they’re not crying. We feature information on our website about grieving in your own way which you may find helpful to take a look at here: https://www.mariecurie.org.uk/help/support/bereaved-family-friends/dealing-grief/grieving-your-way .

You mention that in the last week you have felt persistent chest pains which understandably you are finding a stressful experience given your previous health situation. Here on the Support Line, unfortunately we aren’t medically trained so we would suggest for you to discuss any concerns with a healthcare professional such as your GP if you haven’t already done so.

People often tell us that talking can be helpful and if you need a safe space to talk about how you’re feeling, our Support Line is here to listen. You can reach us on Freephone 0800 090 2309, or you can continue to chat to us through the community.

Hopefully others here will also share with you their experience of grief and offer support to you too.

Take care,

Sam - Support Line Team