Q&A - Coping with grief as a family

MarkWilkin 9 years ago

8 replies

Edited by MarkWilkin 9 years ago

Losing a family member is hard on everyone, it can be especially difficult to help children manage their grief particularly if you're a parent dealing with your own or if you need to support a grieving parent. If you or someone you’re close to has lost someone to a terminal illness, we’re here to support you.

Cruse Bereavement Care will be answering your questions on Wednesday 2nd September between 2pm and 3:30pm. You can start posting them now and they'll answer them when they're online. Just scroll down to read their answers.

With over 50 years’ experience Cruse Bereavement Care is the leading national charity providing bereavement support services in England, Wales and Northern Ireland.  Cruse offers support, advice and information to children, young people and adults when someone dies and works to enhance society’s care of bereaved people

Cruse offers face-to-face, telephone and email support with a national helpline and local services and a website and Freephone helpline for children and young people (Hope Again).  The services are provided by trained volunteers and are confidential and free.  Cruse also runs specialist projects some in partnership with other charities.

Thanks

chel15 9 years ago

Hello,

I really want to know how i can recover with my family from our bad times, We lost my father two years ago and last year we lost we my brother from brain cancer.

My mum cared for both my father and my brother and we helped but she was caring most of the time and now she just feels lost and really so do i.

I just don't know how we can all bounce back again its like we are robots just dong the daily chores, I miss them so much it psychically hurts.

Thanks 

Cruse 9 years ago

Edited by Cruse 9 years ago

Chel15: Hello,

I really want to know how i can recover with my family from our bad times, We lost my father two years ago and last year we lost we my brother from brain cancer.

My mum cared for both my father and my brother and we helped but she was caring most of the time and now she just feels lost and really so do i.

I just don't know how we can all bounce back again its like we are robots just dong the daily chores, I miss them so much it psychically hurts.

Thanks 

I am so sorry for the loss of both your father and your brother within the last two years.  You and your Mum have experienced two hugely significant losses in such a short time and this will have a big impact on your sense of yourself and the world.

As a carer for your father and brother, your Mum may also feel that she has lost some sense of purpose. It sounds like you share this sense of feeling lost and without hope or motivation. This is a very normal feeling following bereavement and is not something that you or your Mum have to deal with alone. You may find it helpful to talk through your feelings and memories of your Dad and your brother with a bereavement counsellor. Often within families, different people need different things so you may find that you and your Mum will find different things helpful in working through your grief. It is important that you give yourselves and each other space to express your feelings in the way that feels right for you.

Although your loss is shared, the way you and your Mum respond to it is personal to each of you. It may be helpful to spend some time reconnecting with the things that make you feel positive about life and boost your self-esteem. Some people find spending time with friends, getting out into nature, taking up a new hobby or simply spending time focusing on yourself are ways of starting to feel hopeful for the future.

You mention that you feel physical pain when thinking about the loss of your Dad and brother and this is another very common experience following bereavement. You may find that talking to someone about all your feelings and memories starts to reduce the pain. If you find that you are having trouble eating or sleeping, you may want to consider visiting your GP who may be able to offer you some support.

I wish you and your Mum all the best for the future. Remember to be kind and allow yourselves the time and space you need to grieve. It can be a long and painful process but you do not have to go through it alone.

Cruse Bereavement Care

Sally 9 years ago

Hello, 

Despite having lost both my parents, one this year, I don't know how to open up conversations when I see my family or friends trying to cope with their grief. 

Once I've said: 'How are you feeling today?" I don't know what to ask to keep the conversation going, particularly when we talk regularly. Sometimes I think they would like to talk but aren't sure how to keep the conversation going either. Most of us are useless at talking about death and grief. 

I had some Cruse counselling several years ago and it was absolutely brilliant. I always recommend it to other people.

Sally

Cruse 9 years ago

Edited by MarkWilkin 9 years ago

Hello, 

Despite having lost both my parents, one this year, I don't know how to open up conversations when I see my family or friends trying to cope with their grief. 

Once I've said: 'How are you feeling today?" I don't know what to ask to keep the conversation going, particularly when we talk regularly. Sometimes I think they would like to talk but aren't sure how to keep the conversation going either. Most of us are useless at talking about death and grief. 

I had some Cruse counselling several years ago and it was absolutely brilliant. I always recommend it to other people.

Sally

Hello Sally,

Thank you for sharing your positive experience of support with Cruse Bereavement Care.

I agree talking about death is something many people find very difficult and often avoid altogether.

Many people find it very helpful to talk about what has happened, to share memories about their relationship with the person that has died and how they feel. This can be an important part of the healing process. Who you talk to will depend on you. It may be your family, friends, GP or a professional organisation that provide trained people to support you through your grief like Cruse.

It can be very difficult to know what to say to a person who is grieving and one might worry about saying the wrong thing. However it’s better to say something than nothing. The most important aspect of being with somebody who is grieving is your presence and willingness to listen when they are ready to talk. Sometimes people may want to talk but other days not…. opening the door and letting someone know that you are there for them as and when they need you can reduce feelings of isolation.

As part of its new ‘Being there’ bereavement campaign Dying Matters has produced a new leaflet, also called ‘Being there’ which has suggestions of things to say and do – and not say and do – when someone has been bereaved, all of which are based on bereaved people’s own experiences. This is available to download for free at www.dyingmatters.org and hard copies are available to order.

It’s also worth looking at the Cruse Bereavement Care website where you can access a raft of information free of charge.

Wishing you all the very best………Keep talking.

Cruse Bereavement Care

MarkWilkin 9 years ago

That's all the questions we have time for today so thank you to Cruse and to everyone who's asked the questions over the last few days.

If you've got any further questions on bereavement or just want to share your experience please start a new thread in our Bereavement forum. We also have information for bereaved family and friends in our help pages as well.

Thanks again

Mark Wilkin

Marie Curie Community Ma nager