No more treatment for Dad

Bea123 3 years ago

7 replies

My Dad has incurable cancer that has spread. Is currently hospitalised due to complications arising from treatment, which is now discontinued. He’s going to be sent home soon, with carers a few times a day, hospital bed, etc., He doesn’t want to discuss his illness, telling Doctors to speak to his family about medical matters. And he’s still fighting, even though he’s clearly unwell. I feel that if it’s his wish not to be forced into discussions that he doesn’t want to have, or be confronted with the brutal reality, then he’s entitled to have that wish respected. But my worry is that once he’s home, things like palliative meds won’t be given to him until he has acknowledged that he needs them. Would this be the case, or would we as a family be able to request things like morphine etc., should he need it?

Brigette 3 years ago

Hi Bea,

I am sorry to read about your dad's diagnosis. do you know if he has had any conversations with his GP about his wishes or done any Advanced Care Planning with them. If dad wishes not to know his prognosis and this been made clear then hopefully this will be respected.

Dad will still be able to access palliative care at home and the GP should be able to prescribe medications that meet his needs. Do you know where Dad's preferred place of care is and what his wishes are around end of life care? It sounds like a care plan is being put in place for him. As a family you may just want to inform anybody coming into the home that he would prefer not to talk about his prognosis and maybe ask to have this added to his notes/ support plan.

If anybody has any experience of this that they can share with Bea, then please do add to this thread. And if we can help further then please let us know. 

Best Wishes

Brigette 

Bea123 3 years ago

Thank you Brigette. I know he hasn’t discussed things with any medical professionals, it’s just not something he wants to do, he wants to take each day as it comes. I know he would want to be at home, but even in hospital there have been delays in getting on top of any pain that he has, so I’m worried that this would be worse if we were trying to request medication once he’s home. Thanks again for replying

Brigette 3 years ago

Hi Bea, 

Thanks for getting back to me. I was just wondering how things are and if you have managed to get dad home? I think once you have a discharge date it would be really helpful for you to try and speak to his GP about a care plan for him and make them aware of his wishes. 

If ever you need to chat we are here to listen.

Best Wishes 

Brigette 

Covidfree1 3 years ago

Dear Brigette good morning as a recently diagnosed cancer patient,  I do appreciate and understand your Dad's wishes.  However, I was wondering from a spiritual point of view, is he a Christian, if not does he believe in faith. as a reminder which is things hoped for but not seen.  This can be found in the Book of Hebrews 11 in the Bible.  I am sure he accepts that no one lives forever and we are only passing through this world and for one reason or another we will all die.  Death is no respector of persons and no one can predict when their time comes.  Granted whatever treatment we are given for whatever condition we may have it only gives us an extension of life.  I take it that he is not in any pain which is wonderful, because that would not be very nice.  The only input I could give is that your Dad to make it right with his maker (God) and be at peace with friends and family.  Thank God he has the opportunity to put his house in order metaphorically speaking and be around his beloved family for a little longer.

Best wishes to you and your family.

All the very best

Brenda

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