Newbie with double caring roles and my own young family . Not sure I can cope!

Hedgehog7 2 years ago

3 replies

Hi! I’m new here and felt like I need to reach out. I’m in a relationship and my partner and I have a young child. I also have a 14 year old. The demands of parenting a young child and a teenager are tricky but manageable. But I am also carer for my brother who is now 29 and has severe disabilities. He used to live with my parents but since my mum got diagnosed he’s spending more time with me, albeit with the support of paid support workers. So my actual hands on caring is only a little, but he’s at my home a lot and I’m heavily involved. My mum has been diagnosed with an incurable cancer but her chemo is keeping her stable and she is ‘living with cancer’. It’s so hard as I feel like I’m constantly living on the edge - my brother has multiple health issues and my mum has zero immune system so covid has given us a whole new set of worries too. It means every hospital visit or dentist etc I have to take my brother - the support workers just don’t know my brother well enough and his history to be able To take him. I’m wanting to take some time with my own family. My children have never had a foreign holiday and time is passing us all by. I’m also scared I’ll become unwell leaving all those who depend on me without my support. Not sure what anyone can do or say. I just wonder if there’s anyone else out there who is still trying to stay away from covid , managing two lots of family and trying to protect and do the best for them as well as pretend for the sake of own children that everything is fine and doing normal things for them. Thank you

Clare 2 years ago

Hello Hedgehog7,

Welcome to the Marie Curie community.

You’re clearly having to juggle a lot of responsibilities currently. It’s understandable that this can feel overwhelming at times and lead you to questions that feel scary to think about, like you becoming ill and also still needing to think about covid. Many people who are living with a terminal illness and those caring for them do still mention worries about covid to us and how it can sometimes seem that everyone else around you have moved on from this.

It's natural that you would like to have some time to focus on your partner and children. Is there anyone else that can step in and cover for you to able to take a break? You may also want to speak to adult social services to see if respite care would be an option for you to be able go on a much needed holiday. If you haven’t had a carers assessment you may want to ask them about this. We have information on carers assessments here - www.mariecurie.org.uk/help/support/being-there/support-carers/assessments

We are here on the Support Line with information and a safe space to talk - www.mariecurie.org.uk/help/support/marie-curie-support-line and also hope that others who may have had similar experiences feel able to respond and offer support.

Take care,

Clare – Support Line Officer

Hedgehog7 2 years ago

Thank you for your reply. I’m still feeling the same and with my children off school for the holiday now I’m not sure I can cope. SS are not helpful at all. My partner is going to take the children away camping for 5 nights and although that means I get a break from the children it means I’m missing the family fun time so I can help with caring. I’m stuck and pulled in many different ways. But at least the children will have a holiday which is more than many I know.

Clare 2 years ago

Edited by Clare 2 years ago

I’m sorry to hear that things remain the same for you and that social services have not been able to offer any support. It may be worth speaking to the charity Carers Trust to see if there is any support they can suggest, https://carers.org/help-and-info/introduction . It’s natural to have mixed emotions about the camping trip; glad that the children will be having a holiday but also sad and maybe frustrated that you won’t be able to enjoy that family time with them. If you need to talk, we are here for you on the community and on our Freephone Support Line.

Take care,

Clare - Support Line Officer