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fionajane1970 5 years ago

7 replies

Hi , My husband died in August last year , he was 48 . Most of the time , I cope well , but I want to talk to someone .

Ross 5 years ago

Hello fionajane1970,

We’re sorry to read about the death of your husband. Many people tell us that talking to someone about their feelings can be beneficial and a comfort to them.

Whilst we’re glad to read that most of the time you feel you are coping well, it’s not uncommon for grief to be unpredictable and for feelings to fluctuate at different times. We hope that others will respond to your post and offer their support and share their personal experiences with you.

If you would like to talk to us about how you’re feeling, our Support Line is here to listen. You can reach us on freephone 0800 090 2309 or by replying through here.

Take care,

Ross – Support Line Officer

fionajane1970 5 years ago

Hi Ross Thanks for your reply . I have been feeling the loss more keenly over the last week or so . I'm not quite so busy as I was and finding the evenings a struggle . I live with my 18 yr old son and my daughter , 19 will soon be moving back in . I really miss him , it's like there's so much missing , I miss telling him about something funny that happened in the day , just to see him and talk to him . If I'm keeping busy , I'm alright most of the time . Someone died suddenly at work last week and since then I have felt unsettled . I would appreciate any advice to stay strong and live life . Thanks Fiona

Ross 5 years ago

Hello Fiona,

Thank you for replying and for sharing further about how you’re feeling. Your experience of grieving may resonate with others who have lost a loved one. People often talk to us about how they miss talking to their loved one or will naturally go to mention something to them. Some people will be operating on autopilot during grief and have even been known to still make two cups of tea as they are so used to making another one for the person that’s died.

It’s understandable that another bereavement within a short space of time has left you feeling unsettled. We feature some information on our website about looking after yourself whilst grieving that you may find beneficial. You can take a look at the information here: https://www.mariecurie.org.uk/help/support/bereaved-family-friends/dealing-grief/looking-after-yourself .

We’re sorry to read that evenings can be a challenge for you. It isn’t uncommon to feel this way when you have lost someone that you would spend those evenings with. We’re aware of an organisation that offer an evening helpline run by volunteers that all have personal experience of grief. They are available from 6pm to 10pm every evening if you feel you would like support between these hours. You can read more about them and find their contact number here: http://www.bereavement-trust.org.uk/ .

Please don’t hesitate to get back in touch,

Take care,

Ross – Support Line Officer

fionajane1970 5 years ago

Hi Ross Thank you so much for your reply . I've been alright over the last few days, it really does help . I do manage to enjoy life but at the same time , there is always an edgy sad feeling and funnily , often a slight dull ache in my stomach . In the early days , I used to get a tense knotted feeling in my chest , like something was trapped inside . My husband Gene , had various health problems and went into hospital last July , because he was so weak , he had found it hard getting around for several months , and got to the point where his legs just wouldn't hold him up anymore . 2 days after he was admitted into hospital , he started to have breathing problems . He spent the next few days in high dependency in a critical state , I think I always thought that he would pull through . I had a phone call one night , he'd had a cardiac arrest and they were attempting to revive him , I went in and they told me that they had managed to restart his heart but they didn't know at that point what potential damage had been caused . I stayed overnight at the hospital and at around 5 I went home . I got called back in the morning , my mum and brother were with me , and a consultant told me that Gene had suffered multiple organ failure and brain damage and he wasn't going to survive . I was with him and my mum and brother too when they turned the life support off , he died peacefully . I'm very glad that I have written all this down in my reply , I've had a cry as I have been writing it but it has been good for me to do it because as Time Goes On you don't talk about it so much to other people about actually what happened in those last few days I thank you for your support and I hope to keep in touch .

Samantha 5 years ago

Edited by Samantha 5 years ago

Hello fionajane1970,

Thank you for sharing further with us and others about your personal experience of losing your husband Gene, and the grief you feel. I’m glad to read that you found writing down and sharing all that happened on our community a positive thing for you to do, even though you shed a few tears in between typing your words.

I’m sorry that you experienced such a lot during a short space of time. Talking about your experience, and how you’re feeling can be important to begin to process and understand all that has happened. Please feel free to talk to us and others as much or as little as you like if you feel it’s helpful.

You mention that while you manage to enjoy life, at the same time there is always a sad feeling that’s present. People often describe their grief as something that can never be fixed, diminished or taken away. It becomes part of us, and shapes the rest of our lives. We feature some information on our website about grieving in your own way which you can read further about if you feel you would like to, here: https://www.mariecurie.org.uk/help/support/bereaved-family-friends/dealing-grief/grieving-your-way .

Please do stay in touch, we hope that today is going as well as it can for you and we look forward to chatting with you more.

Take care,

Sam – Support Line Officer