my experience from 2006/07

crazyivor 9 years ago

1 reply

Hi, my name is John and on the 1st of January 2007 my grandad (my hero ((Donald Bett)) died in the Marie curie centre in Bradford. about a week or 2 before he died my mum brought me (then 19) and my brother (then 23) up to the centre to see him for what was a regular visit for us but upon walking up to the main doors I suddenly could not go any further, after a couple of minutes of trying to explain what was going on in my head my mum and brother went in without me while I waited outside. After about 10 minutes they came out visibly shaken but wouldn't talk to me about what had gone on but to be fair I really didn't want to hear it.

  I never got the chance to see him again and tell him how much I love him and how much of a father figure he was because i never had one, Unfortunately to say he passed away on 01.01.07 and i have punished myself everyday since for not being brave enough to see him that one last time and say just how i felt, all the times we used to play chess together or grow rhubarb and gooseberry's and not once did i tell him just how much he meant to me.

  I had to be strong and be there for my mum while she grieved and then my brother which took awhile because he's stubborn but when it came time for me to grieve it seems that i couldn't do it properly, i still find myself sitting up till 4 or 5 oclock in the morning writing letters to him apologising for not being there 8 years later. 

  Everyone tells me it's time to let go and let his memory rest but i can't, i would say does it ever get easier but i don't want it to, the harder it is for me the more i can hold on to him but is that just me being selfish?

 Anyway I don't expect anyone to remember him from 8 years ago but if anyone does or could give me some information about his stay here it would be greatly appreciated 

Kind regards 

John B

MarkWilkin 9 years ago

Edited by MarkWilkin 9 years ago

Hi John I don't think you're being selfish at all, the thing about grief is that there aren't any rules for it, you can't do it wrong and it takes however long it takes to come to terms with how you feel. 

I've spoken with people at our Bradford Hospice and they're looking into if there's anyone who can help you with some information about your grandfather. They've also said that if you'd like to talk to one our counsellors there they're happy to arrange that with you. You just need to reply to the email I'm sending you with a few details and they'll get in touch.

Also we've got a few help pages on dealing with grief that you might find useful, Grieving in your own way and Getting support. That last link points to a few different ways of getting support with how you're feeling .

Thanks

Mark