HannahJG 4 years ago

Hi Gina, 

I hope you are able to find some help within the resources Brigette has provided you with there.

I am pleased to read you are getting some help from the Marie Curie nurses, they really are incredible and can give you a well deserved break.

Thank you for your kind words about my Dad, it is very difficult coming to terms with him passing away and I am still learning how to deal with it. Talking to people who have been through similar really does help.

I remember the delirious stage very well, my Dad seemed to be talking (I say talking, we couldn't really understand what he was saying most of the time) but talking to no-one or people who weren't actually present. One thing he kept saying was "no, not yet" which will stay with me forever as he still held on for a week after that so he knew he wasn't ready to go just yet. 

It may seem strange to other people but you might find yourself finding comfort in little things like that. 

Please look after yourself,

Hannah - Community Superuser  

ginasaro 4 years ago

Hi Hannah and everyone who has commented, 

Last Tuesday night Dad passed away. It was a horrific day. They had put him on the driver the night before and he wasn't really with it, but fighted all day. He was erratic and the nurses and GP (finally) came out to see him. GP reckoned he had a chest infection, which I wish she had found sooner and they gave him extra pain and muscle relaxant twice I think. He was so unsettled all day I was a mess. He didn't pass until the evening when we called a paramedic. My husband stayed by his bedside with him until the end. 

Now i'm in the process of running around again, totally consumed by all things Dad. All his belongings and his van he lived in. My husband cleared it out a few days ago and that lifted me as it had been a huge element of stress, visiting the van when he was still there was always hard. 

He has left me a Winnebago along with everything else so we have a future project. But right now I am organising his Natural Burial, Wake for 1,000 people it seems and all his business stuff. 

I have been going through his emails this morning and found PDFs of his initial brain scans. The tumours looked huge then. He always made out he didn't know. Now I know how much he was trying to protect me. But I need to get to the bottom of why it happened. They don't usually start in the brain. I found a message from him to the hospital where he said he had wobbly legs for years when he felt stress... i need to get to the bottom of this. 

Brigette 4 years ago

Hi Ginasaro,

I am sorry to read about your dads death.It is heartwarming to read that your husband was with him.

Many people tell us that the first few weeks and days after a death can be all consuming whilst you sort through paperwork and make arrangements. It sounds like you have a lot of things to sort through and arrange.

Please keep using this space to chat and share your thoughts and feelings if it helps and importantly remember to be kind to yourself.

Thinking of you and your family.

Best Wishes

Brigette- Support Line Officer. 

ginasaro 4 years ago

Hi all

Funeral arrangements are nearly done. every evening about 4:30pm I get such a heavy pain at the top of my back/neck. It's from carrying everything. I am waiting for a call from the celebrant, who turns out to be an old friend of my dads family so that's really reassuring. I had to answer a load of questions via email earlier to make a start. And I went from thinking I knew nothing to writing loads whilst sobbing. I chose the music with some help and have chosen a farewell poem for his graveside. i read 38 pages of them to find one suitable. 

I think once this chat is over I can relax. I do lots of other stuff to do, finances etc but I think this might be the worst bit. I have this week and next of with his funeral being next monday so hopefully I'll have some time to be me. I wish I could go away but something is holding me back from doing so. 

Thank for keeping in touch with me so far, it really helps have someone I can tell everything to. 

Gina xx

Brigette 4 years ago

Hi Gina,

I hope you are feeling like some weight has been lifted after your chat with the celebrant. Preparing for the service can be a roller-coaster of emotions as we thing about the past and remember shared moments and history with person we loved, but hopefully your chat yesterday has lifted some of that weight you are feeling .

It is important to be kind to yourself and if you need to take a break and are able to do so that is fine. There are no right or wrong ways to manage your emotions and grief. Please keep chatting if it is proving helpful, we are all here to listen.

Take care

Brigette- Support Line Officer