Juggling children and terminal husband

Craigscarer 9 years ago

5 replies

I am 25 years old, I have been married for 3 years, and have three children, three, two, and nine months. My husband was diagnosed with esophegal cancer in March after 3 cycles of chemo, he went in for life saving surgery but when the operation was started it was found too have spread into his diaphragm and into his stomach and surrounding tissue was infected. On the 5th of August he was diagnosed as terminal, he has been given 9-12months. He has chosen too have no more chemo and too treat his symptoms holistically. I am struggling too juggle caring for my husband, my three children and working 3 days a week as a carer. I'm exhausted, emotionally, physically and financially. My husband had lapsed on his insurances as his company run into financial difficulty so when my husband passes I will also lose the family home. Has anyone else been through this with young children? I'm desperate for advice....please help.

TheHodCarrier 9 years ago

Hello Craigscarer,

I can't help - but the situation you are in, is awful.

It is so awful, that I think 'many people will turn away' - even if a partner dies after a long and happy life, most people don't know what to say to the bereaved spouse, and 'people avoiding me' is a common observation.

I think your question is the right one - 'has anyone else been through this with young children ?' - and I honestly hope you manage to get some responses from people who have, who might be able to say something useful: unlike me, as I'm sure you need people with personal experience of something very similar,

                                              Hope you get through this, Mike

MarkWilkin 9 years ago

Edited by MarkWilkin 9 years ago

I'm sorry, what you're going through is very harsh and I hope we can offer a bit of a helping hand for you.

I think the most important thing to look at first is getting you some help. You can read our information on getting support as a carer here and we also have information on respite care.

If your husband needs nursing care you can speak to your GP or District nurse about getting referred to a Marie Curie nurse.

Also if you're in an area we cover then our helper volunteers might be able to help out a few hours a week.

Our helpline is also on 0800 090 2309 (open Mon to Fri, 9am to 5pm) if you want to talk to someone direct about how we can help.

Regarding your money issues I'd give the Macmillan helpline on 0808 808 00 00 (Mon to Fri, 9am-8pm) a call as they can talk you through some of that.

Hope that helps

Mark 

TheHodCarrier 9 years ago

Thanks for posting Mark - you are much more helpful than I c an be for this - Mike.

sutty 9 years ago

Hi Craigscarer. I have no idea how things may have moved on in the past month for you and your family I hope you have found some support. If you haven't already it may be worth speaking to your health visitor to see if they could arrange some extra childcare especially for your older ones. Also do try to ask any willing family and friends to help out with the basics of life - cooking cleaning gardening even shopping if it allows you the children and your husband to do more important things together. If you haven't thought about it get as much of your finances into joint accounts as you can this may make things easier going forward. Also there is a fab charity called the willow foundation that can help families like yours have a special day or break together, you may need to ask a district nurse or other professional to make the referral. Wishing you all strength.

sutty 9 years ago

Hi Craigscarer. I have no idea how things may have moved on in the past month for you and your family I hope you have found some support. If you haven't already it may be worth speaking to your health visitor to see if they could arrange some extra childcare especially for your older ones. Also do try to ask any willing family and friends to help out with the basics of life - cooking cleaning gardening even shopping if it allows you the children and your husband to do more important things together. If you haven't thought about it get as much of your finances into joint accounts as you can this may make things easier going forward. Also there is a fab charity called the willow foundation that can help families like yours have a special day or break together, you may need to ask a district nurse or other professional to make the referral. Wishing you all strength.