Introducing Myself..

RuthyB7 9 years ago

4 replies

Hi everyone. My name is Ruth. But call me Ruthy.

The reason I have joined Marie Curie's Community is because my dear Grandma is dieing from Secondary Bone Cancer. We've been extremely lucky to have her with us for as long as we have. But I have a gut feeling that end of life may be near.

I hate talking about it, because it's my Grandma. Thinking of a world without her in it, makes me cry, it makes me angry & I don't want to face the thought of it. But, I have to. 

I talk to my family about things, I talk to my husband. But, I feel with were I am right now with how sick she is & all of the things she is going through, I just think speaking to an outsider may be more helpful.

My heart is breaking, for her, for my Grandad, for my Mum & for me. (Also the rest of my family) I don't want to grieve now, because if I start grieving now, I feel like I'm giving up on her. But at the same time, if I do not start grieving now, Im worried I will hit rock bottom when the time comes.

Please feel free to join my thread, share your experiences, offer support, etc. 

Thank you. 

SUZIE 9 years ago

Hi Ruthy, welcome to the Community. I am so sorry to hear that your Grandma is so poorly. A cancer diagnosis is devastating at any age. I am so pleased that you have a support network in your husband and family and I would encourage you to continue talking to them as you are. You are right though, sometimes it helps to talk to someone who is detached from the situation. I have lost a number of relatives to cancer, including my very young husband. I personally felt that the grieving process began from the point at which I knew they weren't going to get better. Please be kind to yourself-you are not failing her by feeling the sadness that you do, it is entirely natural to feel anticipatory grief. I hope you find the Community helpful as you face the difficult times ahead. Best wishes to you.

RuthyB7 9 years ago

Hi Suzie.

Sadly, my Grandma passed away this morning.

I don't know what to do. I feel sick, I feel numb, I feel really angry. I need to be strong as I have a 3 year old & my husband can't have too much time off work.

But I'm struggling. I want to be away from them. I don't want to be with them. (Not in a mean way) I just want to be with my family (mum, sisters, grandad) I'm struggling to curb my anger!

I want to scream & shout!

I want to wake up tomorrow & it all be a sick & horrible dream. I'm lost.

MarkWilkin 9 years ago

I'm very sorry for your loss Ruthy. I'll echo Suzie by saying supporting you through this is what we're here for in the community so please use us as much as you need to.

We've got some advice of our website that might be helpful about dealing with grief and I'd particularly point you in the direction of our page on looking after yourself. I'd also try and remember to reach out to your friends for support and a space that's yours if you can, but we also recommend the Bereavement Advice Center's Helpline if talking to someone on the phone could help.

Thanks

SUZIE 9 years ago

Good morning Ruthy.  I am so, so sorry to read of your loss.  This is a terribly difficult time for you and all your family so I hope that by popping onto here you find some solace.  I see Mark has pointed you into some useful directions already.  It may also be worth a chat with your GP if you do feel the grief is overwhelming you.  Take care. x