I'm lost and the road hasn't even started yet

Busybee 2 years ago

1 reply

Edited by Busybee 2 years ago

My dad is in hospital and being sent to my house which is 100 miles away from him for practical reasons as I'm not working and my mum too frail and ill to do it . my siblings not able too for health reasons etc. I'm single mum with 2 children still at home. My daughter 11 who has adhd and autism and my son 26 who has down syndrome. My dad coming here next week but I'm struggling to sort house out for space for Hospital bed and hoist etc. I've got a new kitchen in boxes in my spare living room as my dad was going to help me fit it but that obviously not happening now. I've had a quote for £6000 to fit so I can get it out of the way but to be honest I haven't got that sort of money. The savings I did have, I had to put towards getting my dad home from spain with a private ambulance. I just feel I'm loaded with everything. Of course I want my dad here as I know it is the best option but I'm burying my head knowing all the equipment will just land at my house and then what?? I know no one can help me but I'm crying my heart out inside as there are so many obstacles. One of which my children at home reluctant about their grandad coming here but that's only because I'm so stressed about it. It hasn't stopped since my dad first became ill 2 month ago and I had to fly out to him to care for him in hospital and hotel with my youngest. I'm just looking for practical suggestions as I haven't even come to terms with him being palliative. Please help!!

David 2 years ago

Hi Busybee and welcome to the Marie Curie Community. We’re sorry to read about your dad’s condition and all the challenges you’re facing now. It sounds like an overwhelming, stressful time and things have been non-stop since your dad became ill 2 months ago in Spain. Hopefully others here on our community can offer support and reflect on what may have been useful for them to cope at such a difficult time. It may also be helpful to share your worries with the team supporting your dad at the hospital as they prepare him for discharge – they will hopefully be able to offer reassurance and indicate the kinds of practical help that might be available.

You mentioned that you are not working and have concerns about money. If you want to find out about things like eligibility for benefits, we have an online benefits calculator - https://mariecurie.entitledto.co.uk/home/start. You can speak with our Support Line team about this as well, although we are not benefits advisers we are here for information.

There may be lots of questions you have about caring for someone who is terminally ill. You can read more about being a carer and ways to look after yourself on our website at www.mariecurie.org.uk/help/support/being-there.

It’s normal to feel many powerful emotions with everything that’s happening. If you feel upset or need to cry, that’s natural too. This community is your safe space. Our Support Line is also here for a listening ear and for information. You can speak with us online at www.mariecurie.org.uk or by phone on Freephone 0800 090 2309.

Take care,

David – Support Line Officer