How do you cope?

Dubchic 5 years ago

3 replies

My mum is terminally ill. Only found out less than 2 weeks ago she wasn't supposed to make it to Xmas. She doesn't want us to know. But had to go into a hospice because she's become so ill. I'm struggling to cope. Feel like my heart is breaking and my insides hurt so much. I'm trying to stay strong for my mum, sisters and children. I don't know what to do. I'm broken and lost.

Support 5 years ago

Hi Dubchic,

I am sorry to hear about your mum’s diagnosis. Finding out that a loved one has a terminal illness can come as a real shock and bring with it many powerful emotions.  We often hear that people experience a physical reaction as part of their emotional response to this.

Being concerned about how it will affect your family and feeling that you need to be the strong one for them is understandable but it is important to take care of yourself. Having outside support such as somewhere you can talk without worrying about the impact on others can be one way of doing this. The hospice your mum is known to are likely to have, or know of, local support services for families including counselling.

Here on the support line we can offer a listening ear if you would like to talk about how you are feeling. You can get in touch with us with on our Freephone support line, 0800 090 2309, or drop us a line via Web Chat:

https://www.mariecurie.org.uk/help/support/marie-curie-support-line

Best Wishes

Clare

Marie Curie Support Line

maxrefugee 5 years ago

Sorry about this, it is a struggle, I lost my wife to lung cancer last November, but she also had the added complication that "the mass" pressed on her nervous system and she was paralysed as well. May be 3 months ago but fell like yourself finding it difficult to cope. This is the 1st time I've mentioned this to most of friends and colleagues as don't want to make them feel awkward It's only really a couple of close friends that know how I'm dealing(or not) with my loss. All I can suggest if you do have a close friend talk to them, they might be able to get rid of the pain but it does help even just a wee bit. Just don't listen to people who say time is a great healer as they have obviously haven't lost somebody close to this hellish disease!! In an honesty contact the help lines that are there, I didn't but wish I had as think we'd have maybe got out all the felling of helplessness out and maybe it would have helped. I hope you find the courage to find the right move for you.  

Support 5 years ago

Hello maxrefugee

I’m so sorry to read about the loss of your wife and all you both experienced during her illness.

Grief is a natural response to losing someone you care about and everyone experiences it differently. There is no right or wrong way to grieve but the important thing is to let yourself grieve and mourn as much and as long as you need to.

We often hear on our Support Line that talking about how you are feeling can help and whilst you mention that you never got in touch with helplines in the past, it is never too late to pick up the phone. We have information on our website about how to get support after the loss of a loved one which you may find helpful here: http://bit.ly/2iBeQ0b. This page also includes information about how to access face to face bereavement support that may be available locally.

Here on the support line we can offer a listening ear if you ever need to talk. You can get in touch with us with on our Freephone support line, 0800 090 2309, or drop us a line via Web Chat:

https://www.mariecurie.org.uk/help/support/marie-curie-support-line

Best Wishes

Sam

Marie Curie Support Line