Feeling so lost and empty

Africa1 2 months ago

3 replies

My partner died of lymphoma in May. So suddenly 8wks and he was gone. I cant seem to find my new life although i know i should. Everyone seems to have moved on , have coped but i dont know how too. Im stuck in the grey waiting for him . I dont know how to take any steps forward. I had cancer , now in remission and we had talked about if i left him but we never thought it would end this way

admin 2 months ago

Hello Africa1,

Thank you for joining our Online Community.

We’re sorry to read about the death of your partner and all that you’re going through. 

When someone you love dies, it can feel as if part of your life has stopped. Most people find that they can adapt to a life without the person who has died, but there is no timescale for how long this will take because it is different for everyone. 

You mentioned that you’re stuck in the grey waiting for him, would you like to tell us more about this and how you’re feeling? 

We have a video on our website titled ‘what helps with grief’ that you may find helpful to take a look at, if you would like to do so you can find the video here: https://www.mariecurie.org.uk/help/support/bereaved-family-friends/dealing-grief/grieving-your-way. 

We also have some information on looking after yourself when you’re grieving that you may find helpful here: https://www.mariecurie.org.uk/help/support/bereaved-family-friends/dealing-grief/looking-after-yourself.

You also mentioned that everyone seems to have moved on, it’s important to remember that we all react differently when someone we care about dies. People process grief in different ways and at different times. There's no right or wrong way to grieve, try to be kind to yourself at this time.

We’re here for you on our Support Line and Online Community when you need us. 

Take care,

Marie Curie Online Community Team

Africa1 2 months ago

Thanķ you I will lòok at the video you've suggested. The grey is my mind, things drift, the world is just grey no life no colour and i guess i have no will. We met in 1968 broke up after4 yrs then found each other 11yrs ago. I feel him in our flat, hear him singing in the kitchen. Silly i know he's gone in my sensible me but sometimes in my inner me he's still here. Does that make sense? I dont know.

admin 2 months ago

You're more than welcome Africa1. We do hope that you find the video helpful if you feel able to watch it. 

Thank you so much for sharing more about how you're feeling. We're sorry to read that you feel the world is grey, with no life and colour. It's normal to experience a range of emotions when someone close to you dies, and these emotions can also fluctuate. You mentioned that you have no will, would you like to tell us what you mean by this?

We have some information on our website about the physical symptoms of grief that you may also find helpful. If you would like to take a look at this you can do so here: https://www.mariecurie.org.uk/help/support/bereaved-family-friends/dealing-grief/physical-symptoms-grief.

It’s not silly at all, this can be a common experience after someone has died. Try not to worry about it but be kind to yourself and give yourself time. Talking to the person who died can also be a normal part of the grieving process. Often people say they feel like the person is with them still, or that they are in their heart. This is all normal and can help you to keep the bond you had with them when they were alive.

Some people find it helpful to talk to someone after a bereavement, so we're pleased that you found our Online Community. You're welcome to share as much or as little as you like with us here, and as often as you need to. We hope others here on our Online Community will also join in on the conversation.