Depressed and struggling

Jclarenne 4 years ago

4 replies

My husband is 59 and has stage 4 lung cancer. He has gone from being a hardworking, active man to a shadow of who he was before. He is on oxygen 24/7 which has restricted life dramatically. I find it so hard watching what this disease is doing to him. I am in tears as I write this. We have a palliative nurse who I can call on but my husband is a stubborn man who only wants me to look after him which I am happy to do but I am starting to feel very depressed.

David 4 years ago

Hi Jclarenne and welcome to the Marie Curie community. I am sorry to hear about the difficult and emotional situation you are facing with looking after your husband. It is understandable, having seen your husband’s condition change and get worse and being there for him not only as his wife but a carer too, that this can feel depressing. Anybody would feel as you do if they had been through the same thing.

Being a carer is such a challenging role and it is often the emotional demands that can be felt the most. From what you have shared, your husband was a very active man and seeing the effects of cancer is naturally difficult. Could you tell me more about what it’s been like for you since he became ill?

Your own needs are important too and we have some information on our website on getting emotional support as a carer https://www.mariecurie.org.uk/help/support/being-there/support-carers/feeling-isolated-or-lonely. Are there others around you who are offering support such as friends or family members?

I hope you are being kind to yourself because looking after someone is hard. Maybe others here on the community can share their own experiences and insights of being a carer? If you ever need to talk then our Support Line is also here for you on Freephone 0800 090 2309. We also have our Check In & Chat service that offers regular emotional support, you can find more details about this here: https://www.mariecurie.org.uk/help/support/check-in-and-chat.

Take care,

David – Support Line Officer

Hannah11 4 years ago

Hi Jclarenne,

It's been a little while since you posted and I just wanted to check in and see how you and your husband are. 

We're often told how difficult it can be when someone relies on you for all their care. Have you been able to arrange any support to help you care for your husband?

If you prefer to talk to someone on the telephone please feel free to call us on the Support Line on Freephone 0800 090 2309. 

Take care, 

Hannah - Support Line Officer

Cherie 3 years ago

First of I'm so so sorry I went through the same thing my husband Steve was diagnosed in 2018 stage 4 lung with a brain metastasis and like you I watched him slowly fading away and it broke my heart Steve lost his fight in November 2019 and it's been so hard I just take each day as it comes sending you so much love xx

Hannah11 3 years ago

Hi Cherie, 

I'm sorry to hear about all you have experienced with your husband Steven and his illness. It can be difficult to watch a loved one deteriorate. 

Taking each day as it comes can be a helpful way to learn to adjust to life without someone.

We hope others will be able to share their experiences with you.

We're here if you would ever like to talk on Freephone 0800 090 2309. 

Take care & stay safe,

Hannah - Support Line Officer