Dad with terminal Oesophageal Cancer

Liss1967 7 years ago

1 reply

Hi, I am wondering if you can help, even just an understanding ear. Sadly my dad, Ben was diagnosed with terminal oesophageal cancer in July and given approx 6 months to live. He lives on his own in Dewsbury so I have left my husband and family behind in the south of England and temporarily relocated to care for my Dad during his final weeks. This whole situation is just a living nightmare for him and me, watching him waste away before my eyes and knowing there is nothing I can do about it.

He is obviously becoming more poorly as the weeks are progressing and although I've managed to sort out various pieces of equipment for his home to make his life a little easier, I still worry about him when I am not there. At the moment I am leaving him in the evenings so I can go back to my rented room to eat and sleep and then I come back every morning.

I am hoping to return south to visit my husband and family for a long weekend but I am struggling to find someone to visit him while I am away. I have spoken to Macmillan but they are doubtful that they can offer any assistance so I'm understandably worried sick and I am now contemplating cancelling my respite plans. When I suggested contacting Gateway to Care, Macmillan didn't seem to think that they would be able to help either which I find both extraordinary and frustrating as I have never asked for any help up to this point.

A friend mentioned that Marie Curie may be able to help so I am hoping that you can offer me some advice about what to do or how to sort something out in these kind of circumstances. I haven't had the chance to visit my family since moving to West Yorkshire in September and would really appreciate the chance to do so!

Support 7 years ago

Hi Liss1967,

I’m sorry to hear about your dad. Caring can have a huge emotional impact, particularly when your loved one has a terminal illness, and it’s important to look after yourself as well. The respite care you are looking for is one way of doing this.

As a carer you are entitled to a carer’s assessment from Social Services, this is an opportunity to discuss how caring is affecting you and what would help you to care for your dad. You may find our information on carer’s assessments helpful, www.mariecurie.org.uk/help/support/benefits-entitlements/carers/assessments .

While social services would be unable to provide someone to be with your dad all day as you currently are they may be able to provide staff to visit during the day to help him with his care needs.

The role of our nurses is to provide care and support in someone’s own home when they have end of life care needs, this being someone’s last weeks. A referral needs to come via a health care professional and this would generally be your dad’s district nurse, www.mariecurie.org.uk/help/nursing-services .

If you would like to talk about things in more detail please call our Free phone Support Line on 0800 090 2309, or drop us a line via Web Chat:

https://www.mariecurie.org.uk/help

Best Wishes

Clare (Marie Curie Support Line)