I've read your reply several time over before responding.
The children are doing as well as can be expected, all were unsettled last night as today it will be three months since we lost Chris, I didn't sleep last night so will try and get my head down for an hour today to make it through today.
I lost my sister 17 years ago and Dad 14 years ago and helped my Mum through that, it has taken her a lot of time to start seeing the otherside of things.
The memories yes most as you rightly say predate the wedding, he was just so determined that we were going to get married and it is something that the children have been asking for for the past 5 years at least, so for them it was amazing even if shortlived, my daughter and step daughter were our bridesmaids, our youngest son was best man and our eldest son walked we down the aisle, he was also pall bearer for his dad.
Chris smiled all day from the time we helped him get ready to the time he went to bed he did not stop, he amazed everyone there at the stamina he had on that day, he left home at 1.30pm and came back home at 1.30am, none of us can understand how he did it. He managed to stand to greet me at the end of the aisle, to cut the cake and had a very short first dance with me, truly amazing man.
It is hard and I have days were I look at the magnitude of things around me with the three children, home and work and just think how, how am I going to do this, but I am just taking one day at a time and one hurdle at a time, which those hurdles have included my car being written off, a broken toilet and a washing that gave in. In the normal way these would just be everyday things but seemed like monumental tasks but I got there sorted them all on my own, all firsts, along with halloween and bonfire night Chris was the biggest kid in the home so it was hard but party like he would have we did on both, broke me inside but the children loved it as did friends and family.
I'm seeing a lovely lady from the hospice every couple of weeks and the children are seeing a lady from FIG, we have Chris's ashes back with the undertaker and as a family ar deciding what to do with them, I have taken a small amount out to have them made into a glass pendant for myself in our favourite colour so he can always be with me while I'm wearing that necklace as well as always being in our hearts and I'm wearing his wedding ring next to mine.
We are having a tree planted in the village and part of his ashes are going to go under the tree at the childrens request to help it grow and the rest of the ashes we are going to scatter as Chris requested, he did say just put part of me here decide betweeen where you want the rest of me.
I am trying very hard to stay focused and positive and keep some structure for the children and have agreed with them that if there are places we want to see or go to and we can then we will, if we want to try something and we can and it's save we will.
We were given several items for the wedding that all had three words on them Live Laugh Love and this is what I am aiming to do for me and for them.
Thank you so much for replying, I haven't been on here much since we lost Chris so haven't read your full post, I will find it and have a read.
If you want to chat I'm about, I pick up the messages via email alert.
Take care and best wishes to you