Carer to my husband with terminal cancer

sgrennan 9 months ago

1 reply

Hi, this is all new to me, as I haven't really needed any support up until now.

My husband was diagnosed 2 years 3 months ago with stage 4 bowel cancer that has spread to liver and lungs.  After a liver operation and over 40 sessions of chemo it has been kept at bay and he has been doing remarkably well, until recently when his CEA has gone upto 30 and i have noticed he is deteriorating.

I am finding it extremely hard to talk to him about putting things in place.  We have no wills, all bills are in his name using his accounts and this is playing heavily on my mind along with all the worry and upset of losing him, i feel like i'm losing my mind.  I tried to speak to him but felt very selfish and didnt really get anywhere with him.

My question is has anyone else been in this situation and how did you overcome this?

David 9 months ago

Hello sgrennan,

I’m sorry to read about your husband’s diagnosis and all that you both are experiencing. Many people tell us that it’s hard to have conversations about finances and planning for what will happen after someone dies. It’s understandable that your finances have been playing on your mind at what is already such a difficult time for you.

You mention that you have tried to speak with your husband but didn’t really get anywhere. Perhaps you could try a different way of approaching it with your husband, such as writing down how you feel in a letter?

Sometimes people process the news of a terminal prognosis at different rates. We have some information around supporting someone who may be experiencing denial on on our website here: https://www.mariecurie.org.uk/help/support/being-there/helping-someone-cope/caring-for-someone-in-denial" href="https://www.mariecurie.org.uk/help/support/being-there/helping-someone-cope/caring-for-someone-in-denial" rel="noreferrer noopener" target="_blank" class="fui-Link ___1rxvrpe f2hkw1w f3rmtva f1ewtqcl fyind8e f1k6fduh f1w7gpdv fk6fouc fjoy568 figsok6 f1hu3pq6 f11qmguv f19f4twv f1tyq0we f1g0x7ka fhxju0i f1qch9an f1cnd47f fqv5qza f1vmzxwi f1o700av f13mvf36 f1cmlufx f9n3di6 f1ids18y f1tx3yz7 f1deo86v f1eh06m1 f1iescvh fhgqx19 f1olyrje f1p93eir f1nev41a f1h8hb77 f1lqvz6u f10aw75t fsle3fq f17ae5zn" title="https://www.mariecurie.org.uk/help/support/being-there/helping-someone-cope/caring-for-someone-in-denial">https://www.mariecurie.org.uk/help/support/being-there/helping-someone-cope/caring-for-someone-in-denial .

You might also find it helpful to have a look through our booklet on planning ahead that has information on processes such as wills and power of attorney, so that you can think about what you might want to consider when you are able to have the conversation with your husband: Planning ahead (mariecurie.org.uk) . 

Hopefully another of our online community will share their experience with you but know that our Support Line is here if ever you want to talk.

Take care,

David - Support Line Officer