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    Hi everyone! My mum was diagnosed with secondary breast cancer in Oct, it had spread to her brain where a tumour had formed. She had it resectioned and a had 3 blasts of stereotactic radiotherapy in nov and Dec but unfortunately we found out on weds that it’s has formed again in her brain and has spread to her lungs, right side of her chest where her breast used to be and her lymph nodes. She has been offered 3 weekly treatments of Kadcyla which she wants to try and the MDT meeting about the tumour in her brain will be on weds this coming week. Over 11 years she has dealt with breast cancer twice and thyroid and now secondary! Now we knew from the start that a secondary diagnosis is a terminal one and any treatment is with a palliative approach to prolong life and not save it, as a family we have accepted this and my mum has goals she wants to reach and is very forward thinking and strong. However...... all her friends think she is going to beat this, they plaster her Facebook with messages telling her that she will beat it and cancer will not defeat her etc and selfishly all I want to do is scream at the top of my lungs that their expectations of her treatment are wrong, she is going to die wether it be in 6 weeks, 6 months or 6 years! It’s so frustrating to see everyone be so positive when things are not. I feel so selfish for feeling this way but I just wish she would correct them, tell them this treatment is not a cure and cancer will unfortunately beat her. I know she needs to stay positive and I try everything that I can to feel positive too but it’s so hard, I’m going to lose my mum and I feel like I’m hiding that fact as a secret if that makes sense? Does anyone else feel that way?

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  • Clare


    Thank you for joining the Online Community. I'm sorry to hear that your mum's cancer is now terminal.

    It’s understandable that you are struggling with others talking about your mum beating the cancer and being cured when you know that the treatment planned is palliative and is to prolong life. Many people tell us that they experience difficult and overwhelming emotions when someone dear to them is diagnosed as terminally ill. If you would find it helpful to share more here on the Marie Curie community, it is a safe space to talk.

    I hope that others here in the community will also share their experiences with you and what they feel helps them to cope. Our Support Line is also here for you with a listening ear on Freephone, 0800 090 2309.

    Take care,

    Clare – Support Line Officer

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