Adapting to a changed way of living

Hebe 3 years ago

1 reply

Hello. I registered today as Hebe with Marie Curie.    I am elderly with a husband diagnosed this Spring with advanced prostate cancer.   He is taking enzalutamide to delay the cancer cells.     The only help we get is a monthly telephone call from the Macmillan Nurse and a 4 monthly call from the doctor.   My husband has slowed a lot, dozes/sleeps often but enjoys activity when he has some energy.   I’m tired coping with chores (given up the garden - it’s now a wild life reserve), worried about how I’m going to cope when husband very ill,  should we be making plans for this, should we adapt some rooms in the house, what about a bed for him, how will I cope with all the physical caring he will need, etc etc.  Let alone coping with where to die.    I’m frightened at what lies ahead.     Are there carers out there who have developed strategies to cope.   If so I’d love to hear from you

Thank yiu

David 3 years ago

Hello Hebe,

Welcome to our Marie Curie community and we are sorry to hear about your husband’s diagnosis and the difficult time you’re both experiencing. Being a carer for someone with cancer can be hard emotionally and physically, and it’s understandable if you feel tired and worried for the future – they’re normal feelings to have.

Talking with your husband and any professionals involved in his care about planning for the future could be helpful. Planning ahead may be reassuring for both of you, knowing that if things change, preparations have been made and you have some idea of what to expect. You can speak with your husband’s GP or district nurse about ways in which you can be supported if your husband’s needs change and find out about services or equipment that could be provided . For example, accessing a hospital bed at home.

The Being there section of the Marie Curie website contains a wealth of information for carers, including important content on accessing practical and emotional support for you, enabling you to stay well while looking after your husband. You might also find it helpful to contact a local carer’s organisation for support – you can find the details of your nearest one at: https://carers.org/.

As your post title indicates, it is a changed way of living you’re dealing with and that’s not easy. We also hope that others on the Marie Curie community will share their own experiences of caring for someone and any useful strategies they have. Whatever you’re going through, our Support Line team are here to help – whether you have questions or just need time to talk. We are available on Freephone 0800 090 2309 and by email, support@mariecurie.org.uk.

Take care,

David – Support Line Officer