What to expect at the end

Roho 3 years ago

1 reply

My Dad has bile duct cancer and has been given months to live, if they can get a stent in. My Mum has only recently been allowed to visit him in hospital which meant we finally managed to Facetime him. I was shocked on the call at how different he looked. I wasn't expecting it and it took everything I had not to break down the moment I saw him. I think lockdown means that I haven't seen the deterioration - last time I called him he'd just walked out from his first tests and looked like the same old Dad. This has all happened quickly, he was first ill at the end of January. 

Are there other changes that might happen over the coming months that I can prepare myself for? He's already exhausted and speaking more slowly, has lost a lot of weight and is covered in tubes.

And do you have advice for me and my sisters on how to cope if we aren't able to visit at the end? We're scattered across the world and it feels like the ultimate sucker-punch that travel restrictions mean we are unlikely to all be together. 

PennyS 3 years ago

Hi , sorry to hear that your Dad is unwell. Its understandable that you were shocked at how different he looked , physical appearance can change dramatically ecspecially when someone loses weight .

Over the next few months your Dad will deteriorate ,this is usually a gradual deterioration . He will get weaker and may need to sleep more and may lose more weight . You may notice that he doesnt want to eat or drink as much . He may become jaundiced and get itchy skin . Our website has information on this and if at anytime you or your family would like to talk to someone you can phone our Support line .

Its a very difficult time for you all and if you cant be together at the end you and your family may want to consider doing things now to help support each other and communicate , you may want to consider face time calls to your Dad , write him a letter , send photos  and maybe have one of you contact him each  day, maybe set up face time via zoom so that you are all with him ,you could record messages to him so that your Mum can play them to him.

Penny , Support line nurse 

Does anyone know anymore things that would be helpful ?