What do you talk about to somebody who is dying

al1976 9 years ago

1 reply

My Father has been fighting Prostate cancer for the last two or so years, but it seems that this is a fight that he going to lose in  4 to 6 weeks.

I would consider myself to be a relatively strong person so this question isn't really about me.

I saw him last week when he found out that the cancer was terminal and for obvious reason he was a different person.

he isn't  frightened he just wants it over and done with.  

He's 65 and a typical Yorkshireman  ie never one to discuss his emotions and has always been quite a closed off character. The Problem is I am exactly the same and turn every problem into a joke, but this is one problem that can't be laughed off.

When I saw him I was with my Mother and my Sister and throughout the whole time that we were there nobody mentioned the fact that he was dying and it all just seemed so false.

Is there any advise from anyone about what to say so that when the end comes you at least feel as though what needed to be said was said.

Sorry if this is a bit rambling but i'm not used to having to deal with things like this.

Thank you.

Support 9 years ago

Hi Al1976,

I am sorry to read that you dad is close to the end of life and I appreciate that this is a difficult situation to deal with. People react to this news in different ways and you will find that your family all react differently, in effect you will all start the grieving process. Lots of people use ‘black’ humour as a coping mechanism and denial is very common.

It is important at this stage to be led by your Father as to the type of conversations that you all need to have. We have a section on starting difficult conversations which you can find here. Many people use this time to reflect on their relationships, to ensure that the person knows they are loved and supported. It is also important to try and clarify your father’s wishes about any treatment decisions, where he wants to die and funeral arrangements.

If you would like to chat about this further please call the Marie Curie Support Line on 0800 090 2309.