Volunteer introduction- bereavement with young children

LauraCW 2 months ago

2 replies

Hello everyone, I’d like to introduce myself. My name is Laura and I am a new Online Community Volunteer.

My mum (who I was extremely close to) died from terminal cancer in 2014 after a very quick diagnosis and decline. I was 35 with extremely young children and it has, without doubt, been the most challenging time of my life to date.

I began volunteering with Marie Curie about 18 months ago. As I approached the 10 year anniversary of my Mum’s death it felt really important to use my experience in a positive way to help others.

If you find yourself in a similar situation or would like to talk about anything related to bereavement or terminal illness then please do reach out and I am here to listen and support in any way I can.

Warmest wishes,

Laura 

Member of the Marie Curie Online Community Team

Chrissie 5 days ago

Edited by Chrissie 5 days ago

Hi Laura, my father died suddenly when I was 33 and had 2 young children. He went to work one day and didn't come home. My mum passed away exactly a year today. She went into hospital on her 81st birthday, never been to hospital other than having 2 children. She stayed a week in hospital and then she came home from hospital to die, which was a week and 4 days later. We had no idea that she had cancer. I'm struggling for many reasons. I was with her every day but the day she died I fell asleep on the sofa when the carer saw to mum's personal care. The carer woke me up to say her breathing had changed. I was with mum for her last 3 breaths. The gulit I feel is immense. My family say at least I was with her but it's the fact that I wasn't at her side for the morning when I would have normally would have been holding her hand, talking to her. It's hard.

LauraCW 5 days ago

Thanks so much for getting in touch Chrissie. That sounds so hard. It must have been such a shock when your Dad died and trying to care for little people when you are grieving can feel very isolating I think. 

I completely get that you are struggling with the loss of your Mum, such a quick decline can still feel very shocking can’t it? It’s so much to process in such a short space of time. Feelings of guilt are really normal when you are grieving but it sounds to me as though you have absolutely nothing to reprimand yourself for. How wonderful that you were there with her and your Mum would have completely understood that you were resting and I am sure took so much comfort from knowing you were nearby. 

Anniversaries can be really tough and I’m so glad you got in touch today. On the one hand a year is not long at all in our grieving journey but on the other hand I can imagine it feels like an eternity since you were with your Mum. 

Do you have any plans to see anyone today? It can help but only if it is what you want. Everyone is different and it’s important to do what feels right for you. 

Thinking of you and thanks again,

Laura, Marie Curie Online Community Volunteer